The Non-Cutting Edge Is Where I Like To Operate Usually

Was that title too long? Oh well. It fully expressed my views.

First off y’all. Lil’ Wayne has way more knowledge about tennis than 99% of the population.

Is this because he ‘smokes mad weed’ and ‘gets mad lifted’ all the ‘time’? Or is it because he raps for a living and ‘has mad free time’?

Is ‘mad’ a good or bad thing?

I mean, sure, he knows the Nadal facts but so do alot of folks. I mean he’s good and those stats just confirm it.

But the Del Potro thing… Wow. I am impressed. I know the name Del PotBro. But I didn’t know about a possible ‘drop out’.

Did Lil’ Dwayne just ‘scoop’ all the major media outlets? Did he just ‘break the Del PotBro story’ before ESPN?

Sup Del PotBro

Also: he gives credit to Federer and Djokovic and Roddick. All those guys are good. But his overall ‘upset special’ is Andy Murray.

Here’s something you probably didn’t know about Andy Murray:

He is from England.

Does this make Lil’ Weezy a ‘redcoat’? Did he just become the ‘Benedict Arnold’ or the tennis world?

Do you think Lil’ Wayne has been eating eggs Benedict in prison?

OH. MY. G.

Do you think placing the women last in the letter signifies that they will ‘forever be beneath the male-dominated tennis world’?

Or did he ‘save the best for last’?

Are women ‘the best’?

Do we only think of women as 'things to marry'?

How do you feel about Dwayne Carter’s penmanship? Is it more ‘fancy’ or ‘girly’?

Why do all his ‘j g y’ s have the little underline lookin’ boy things on them?

Does he try to emphasize the j’s and g’s and y’s?

Are other letters gonna be ‘mad jealous’?

Will he write a rap song using only those three letters?

What rhymes with ‘jgy’? ‘Gyj’?

Which letter is best?

Should I ever use a period again? Or should every post be entirely questions?

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Off The Map, Nonsensical Brilliance

So much happened this week that I am going to interrupt both the NFL Preview AND Lookin’ Boy Monday.

You’ll probably be mad because of this but so be it.

First off:

Serena Williams.

What a ridiculous call by the US Open official. And the tournament director.

Threatened to kill the linesperson? Maybe. But I like it.

If you are surprised by Serena’s reaction, then you have NO idea how like aggressively competitive she is.

She is actually, medically-documented-ly, clinically insane.

And she can hit a tennis ball really hard.

I’m chalking her suspension/disqualification/fine to racism.

Its just like I always say, “The US Open is racist”

(I have never said that until just now. Don’t tell anyone. Be cool, man.)

Denim skirt? Really?
Denim skirt? Really?

Second off:

KanYe West.

Genius move on his part.

Few people were buzzin about him, but nothing like the climax about 808s and Heartbreak or Graduation.

Part of what makes him great is the passion he showed last night.

I mean, c’mon. The guy can latch so strongly on a video that he feels compelled to climb on stage and steal the mic from a 19 year old girl. That is incredible.

He didn’t even produce/write/have anything to do with the song! Or video for that matter!

His genius is part passion and part insanity.

But did he cross the line last night?

No.

Taylor could have prevented this by not giving him the mic. Thank my lucky stars she handed it over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taylor could have prevented this by not giving him the mic. Thank my lucky stars she handed it over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Third Off:

Tiger Woods.

He decided to actually play this weekend.

He destroyed the field by 8 shots, including a course record 62 on Saturday.

He will win the FedEx Cup. You heard it here first. Even though you probably didn’t.

On another note, he beat PGA Champion YE Yang by 32 shots.

That is just grand hustle, pimp.

This picture is ironic now. If only YE knew what was to come...
This picture is ironic now. If only YE knew what was to come...

Fourth Off:

Texas Rangers.

The Rangers really didn’t do so hot this weekend and they may very well have vanquished their playoff hopes.

However, their game on Saturday really hit a chord (is it spelled chord or cord? I don’t care.) with me.

The game was called with 3 outs remaining.

The Rangers lost the game.

The Rangers only got to play 24 outs, compared to the Mariners 27.

How is this fair?

I mean I get it if the home team is winning and they don’t play the bottom of the 9th.

But the home team was losing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The MLB seriously need to look at this policy because it is downright stupid.

I understand that they can’t predict the weather* but at least let the teams play full innings. Duh.

(*I think the MLB CAN predict the weather. If only the MLB would believe in themselves, there would be no stopping what they could do.)

Julio Borbon and Sean Gaston. I do not know who Sean Gaston is. Hopefully that was funny. I didn't write a joke in there. But maybe you found one.
Julio Borbon and Sean Gaston. I do not know who Sean Gaston is. Hopefully that was funny. I didn't write a joke in there. But maybe you found one.

Fifth Off:

Michigan vs. Notre Dame.

For one time, and ONE TIME ONLY, I take the side of Notre Dame.

Only because I absolutely have unadulterated hatred for the Big Ten Conference.

Both teams are overrated. But the whole Big Ten thing makes me root against Michigan.

I HATE THE BIG TEN.

Jim Tressel leads his team in the spelling of 'OVERRATED.' Don't blame me for the poor quality of this joke. I didn't make it up. I stole it.
Jim Tressel leads his team in the spelling of 'OVERRATED.' Don't blame me for the poor quality of this joke. I didn't make it up. I stole it.

Sixth Off:

Monday Night Football.

The Bills will get wrecked in every direction.

T.O. will be wishing he’s back in Dallas.

Trent Edwards will be wishing he did something else during his time at Stanford.

Tom Brady will be LOL-ing.

FTW.

There is no way around this: TO has amazing abs.
There is no way around this: TO has amazing abs.

Download a Tennis Mask!

Rafa Nadal, Tennis Player/Mask
Rafael Nadal, Tennis Player/Mask

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/tennis/get_involved/4467076.stm

What a surprise.

Another Tennis Major Championship, another stupid promo.

Well, not really. This is kinda the first one ever.

Still, out of Jolly Old England and the BBC, here come Tennis Masks!

What are they? Why what do you think? Bloody masks eh!

Wait. I think eh is Canadian.

Anyway.

Besides this being very stupid, I’m going to run through what people will think of you if you wear one.

nadal tennis mask

Rafael Nadal:

This would make you either a teenage girl or an enamored blogger like myself. NOTE: Don’t wear a shirt if you wear a Rafa mask. If you are really Rafa, you look awesome without your shirt.

roger tennis mask

Roger Federer:

You are a tool. Either that or you like the Red Wings, the Yankees, the Lakers and the Patriots. (You like lame dynasties.)

andy murray

Andy Murray:

You like ugly masks. There’s no other way you’d wear this.

tim henman

Tim Henman:

Class act. You like to look good and wear the mask of a real champion.

Also. Tim Henman included in the Tennis Mask group? Really BBC?

Big surprise. England has trouble letting stuff go. I’m surprised. Surprise.

I pick everything that’s going on for the next like week?

Yeah. I don’t have much else to say so we’re gonna try this out.

Except the MLB. That would take wayyyy too long.

Tennis:

Federer over whoever he’s playing. Let’s be honest. If Djokovic was in it, then we’d have something to talk about. If Nadal was in it, then I’d be picking Nadal in 5 sets. But I think the Fed-meister will roll in straight sets. Oh, and if Tommy Haas was still in, then I’d pick Tommy.

4 and a half of the pictures of Tommy Haas are shirtless. Look it up. Oh, and the half is this picture. Because you can see his abs. Its like he's half-shirtless. Look I don't want to argue.
4 and a half of the pictures of Tommy Haas are shirtless. Look it up. Oh, and the half is this picture. Because you can see his abs. Its like he's half-shirtless. Look I don't want to argue.

Golf:

Tiger FTW. But not really. No one makes up like 6 strokes in 2 rounds at Muirfield. Sorry Tiger. I’m going Luke Donald. It’s about time he wins something. Besides a Hot Contest.

His hair is so perfect.
His hair is so perfect.

NHL:

Penguins win game 5 in Detroit, Red Wings win games 6 and 7, in Pittsburgh then Detroit. Yes, this is controversial. But have you come to expect anything less from me?

Or is it anything more. Oh well. I don’t care about hockey unless Zdeno Chara is involved.

Editor’s Note: This may be surprising but there are no funny pictures of Zdeno Chara. I am as shocked as you.

NBA:

If the series was like best of 4, then the Magic might have a shot. Yes, I know that 4 is an even number. The Magic’s best shot would be a 2-2 tie. And even then the Lakers might win 4-0.

So Lake-daddies in 5 or 6. It won’t be a sweep but it’ll feel like it.

College Baseball:

My upset special was the sub-.500 team of Utah but they didn’t make it. So I’m gonna pick the team that beat them for the win. (Yes, this was the perfect time for FTW but I held back.)

Cal State Fullerton. The Titans. If I’m not mistaken. Am I mistaken? Oh well.

Yeah, Joey Wong's that good.
Apparently this is a picture of CSF. Maybe its the guy sliding? I guess so. Whatever. Its impressive nonetheless.

French Open Controspiracy

So yeah. I forgot Lookin’ Boy yesterday. Sue me.

Anyway.

So Rafael Nadal is out of the French Open. (I don’t care if that’s not how his name is spelled. I’m not bothering to spell check it.)

Old news, right?

Not anymore. Not since I made up the conspiracy.

So we all know that Rafa (yes, I’m on a nickname basis) wears clothes that make him look like a pirate.

Or just weird.

What are those? Capris? Gauchos? Clam Diggers? Go back to fashion school. Oh you didn't go to fashion school? Well that explains alot. Am I right? Yes.
What are those? Capris? Gauchos? Clam Diggers? Go back to fashion school. Oh you didn't go to fashion school? Well that explains alot. Am I right? Yes.

Anyway.

Another thing we all know is that the French Open is played on CLAY.

Yes, they make courts out of clay now. I know, it’s weird.

Because of this clay, what happens?

Look at those beautiful shoes. Becoming orange. Thanks for nothing, clay.
Look at those beautiful shoes. Becoming orange. Thanks for nothing, clay.

One last piece of the fashionverspiracy. (That’s FASHION + controVERSy + conPIRACY) [P.S. Look for this math joke to come back later!]

Nike.

Sponsor of Nadal.

You know what Nike likes? SWEATSHOPS.

That’s what I thought.

So what does Nike have to do because of the French Open? Make more clothes, using more sweatshops.

And Nadal, being a man of the children, hates the idea of sweatshops.

So what did he go and do?

Shaved points. He intentionally lost. He cheated. He used steroids. He did what it took.

Don’t act like you didn’t know this.

Leave it to me to tinker with the numbers:

Rafa Nadal + Nike = Bad News Tennis Shoes.

Rafa + Kids – French Open = Less work for both of them.

And if you didn’t already know, the Tennis Pirate has other things to do.

Like be lazy.

Lazy AND Shirtless? Sign me up!
Lazy AND Shirtless? Sign me up!

P.S. This is the only post ever categorized under the “Tennis” Category. Just some fun FS! info!

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