Super Bowl Preview Week: Defense Comparison

There was alot of snow everywhere yesterday so I took a snow day from blogging. Sorry. Back to my regularly scheduled getting-worked-up-over-nothing.

Defensive Line: Ziggy Hood, Casey Hampton, Brett Kelsel vs. Ryan Pickett, B.J. Raji, Cullen Jenkins

On the basis of names, Ziggy Hood gives the Steelers the edge.

On the basis of people who’s names I have heard, Beej Raji gives the Packers the edge.

On the basis of actual football, it is a draw.

EDGE: Draw

Linebackers: LaMarr Woodley, James Farrior, Lawrence Timmons, James Harrison vs. Clay Matthews, A.J. Hawk, Desmond Bishop, Erik Walden

James Harrison has no backup on the depth chart and although I am probably not the first to notice this, I think this is a sign. He is going to be injured during this game. Can they sub in some random other linebacker and have Woodley and Farrior dominate? I don’t like to speculate about things.

However, if James Harrison goes down, the Packers will have the definitive advantage at the LBs. Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk are very good. I don’t want to fight them in a dark alley or anywhere ever really.

So depending on the inevitable injury actually happening, I say:

EDGE: Draw

Cornerbacks: Bryant McFadden, Ike Taylor vs. Charles Woodson, Tramon Williams

I have been told (via reading ESPN.com) that Bryant McFadden is going to get torched like a mug by Greg Jennings. Also: Greg Jennings is not a tight end? I thought he was. Who am I thinking of?

Taylor Ike or Die. Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow.

Charles Woodson is like 50 and Tramon Williams is not good, I think. So:

EDGE: Draw

Safeties: Ryan Clark, Troy Polamalu vs. Nick Collins, Charlie Peprah

Troy Polamalu plays like a man. He is everywhere and nowhere all at once. Wait, no he’s just everywhere.

However, HOWEVER. He has ridiculous hair.

Nick Collins nickname should be ‘Salt’ because he reminds me alot of Veruca Salt (via Willy Wonka) and Salt from the hit movie ‘Salt’ with Angelina Jolie.

And then we could call the Packer safeties ‘Salt and Peprah.’

EDGE: Draw

xXx Special Bonus Matchup xXx: Troy Polamalu vs. Clay Matthews

The Hair Matchup. Wow I really don’t care about this. It’s just getting mad blog hits for some reason. I just find it to be kitsch.

EDGE: Draw

So the final score is 0-0-5. That’s some well-thought out writing. (See, the joke’s on you though because I actually did plan it out. I hadn’t even looked at the matchups because I thought doing all 5 as draws would be funnie.)

Additionally,

Lil’ Wayne has released a track entitled ‘Green and Yellow.’ No one is really sure why. He is a Saints fan apparently. But no he’s not. I am super confused.

I do like the song though. He calls out Ike Taylor as well as claiming when the Packers win they will ‘cut Troy Polamalu’s hair off.’

 

Mark Cuban

C[omplex Magazine]: What about Mark Cuban?

LIL WAYNE: He’s a G for real, I saw him coming out of my condos one day with an iPod on him and two big niggas with him, ain’t no security. They were just rocking, three together. I ain’t got no racist issues, but when you see a cracker with two niggas, you know that cracker got all that money, he don’t even need to see a nigga, no black people ever need to come in his eyesight he’s so rich-and these your homeboys? I respect the fuck out of him for that, you know, and he ain’t see me but he saw my homie, he asked him what’s popping tonight, he’s a G for real, so I fuck with Mark Cuban heavy. I love a nigga who do what the fuck he want, just like I told you, Martin Luther King said we can do what the fuck we want, he do what the fuck he want, him and Bam Margera. What will Bam do next? Whatever the fuck they want…that’s one of my favorite shows.

Mark Cuban gets respect from Lil’ Wayne. I left that unedited because of the 1st Amendment, bitches.

Sorry. I know this is a family blog.

Where exactly did Lil’ Wayne see Mark Cuban? ‘My condos’? Where? New Orleans? Miami? Dallas? Hollygrove?

‘Hollygrove is in New Orleans, idiot’

I have a blog. I’m not an idiot. You’re an idiot.

What does ‘fucking’ with Mark Cuban mean? And why is it ‘heavy’? I love Lil’ Wayne but if he is ‘heavily fucking’ Mark Cuban then woah.

Additionally, bringing up Bam Margera was surprising. I mean, am I opposed to Live the Bam (Via spanish to english translation)? No of course not. But in  the context of this interview it makes no sense.

I am sensing a blog war of insane proportions:

Who can take a mundane-ish topic and connect it to an insane non-sequitur in the most entertaining way?

We can abbreviate it MACINS MEW.

The first entry (and probably the majority of the entries) is obviously Ron Artest. Comments about seeing someone get stabbed with a table leg, ‘big ups to Queensbridge’ directly after the NBA Finals, talking about Kobe then Pluto and Vujacic’s jeans. All those are gold.

However, Lil’ Wayne’s frank discussion of Mark Cuban to Bam Margera certainly deserves points in this worthless competition that I just made up.

Additionally.

Cuban made an appearance in moderately popular Dorough’s music video for the creatively titled song ‘Get Big’

Apparently the appearance has been cut in the official video. However, he is in this one at the 0:44 second mark as well as 3:03.

Mark Cuban: The Rapper’s NBA Owner?

If you actually watch the video, there is a scene at a skate park. Why?

Does Dorough shred? Is he a part of the new rap genre known as Skater-Hop-Core? Probably.

The Non-Cutting Edge Is Where I Like To Operate Usually

Was that title too long? Oh well. It fully expressed my views.

First off y’all. Lil’ Wayne has way more knowledge about tennis than 99% of the population.

Is this because he ‘smokes mad weed’ and ‘gets mad lifted’ all the ‘time’? Or is it because he raps for a living and ‘has mad free time’?

Is ‘mad’ a good or bad thing?

I mean, sure, he knows the Nadal facts but so do alot of folks. I mean he’s good and those stats just confirm it.

But the Del Potro thing… Wow. I am impressed. I know the name Del PotBro. But I didn’t know about a possible ‘drop out’.

Did Lil’ Dwayne just ‘scoop’ all the major media outlets? Did he just ‘break the Del PotBro story’ before ESPN?

Sup Del PotBro

Also: he gives credit to Federer and Djokovic and Roddick. All those guys are good. But his overall ‘upset special’ is Andy Murray.

Here’s something you probably didn’t know about Andy Murray:

He is from England.

Does this make Lil’ Weezy a ‘redcoat’? Did he just become the ‘Benedict Arnold’ or the tennis world?

Do you think Lil’ Wayne has been eating eggs Benedict in prison?

OH. MY. G.

Do you think placing the women last in the letter signifies that they will ‘forever be beneath the male-dominated tennis world’?

Or did he ‘save the best for last’?

Are women ‘the best’?

Do we only think of women as 'things to marry'?

How do you feel about Dwayne Carter’s penmanship? Is it more ‘fancy’ or ‘girly’?

Why do all his ‘j g y’ s have the little underline lookin’ boy things on them?

Does he try to emphasize the j’s and g’s and y’s?

Are other letters gonna be ‘mad jealous’?

Will he write a rap song using only those three letters?

What rhymes with ‘jgy’? ‘Gyj’?

Which letter is best?

Should I ever use a period again? Or should every post be entirely questions?

NBA Mock Draft 6.0 (Picks 1-5)

Yeah whatever. I lost count of the mock drafts. Besides the last I ever heard of AOL was AOL 6.0. So it’s a throwback post.

Because of the throwback style of this post, I’m going to Mock Draft the 2008 Draft.

Just kidding. But if I did, would you read?

Anyway.

1. LA Clippers

FS! Dream Pick: Steph Curry.

This eternally damned franchise can’t afford to screw up this can’t-miss, last-second-buzzer-beater-from-half-court-shot. That being said, I can totally see Dunleavy throwing his weight around and picking Curry. But not really.

2008 Jimmy V Classic

Actual Pick: Blake Griffin.

If they don’t pick Blizzy Blake Griffin then I’ll eat my hat. (Hint: I’m not wearing a hat.)

2. Memphis Grizzlies

FS! Dream Pick: Tyreke Evans.

The Memphis Connection.’Reke and the Grizz. I’m going crazy just thinking about OJ “da Juiceman” Mayo and ‘Reke in the same Backcourt. Now you are too.

Yes, we get it. You look good without a shirt on. Pull your pants up. This isn't Memphis anymore. Oh wait. Yes it is.
Yes, we get it. You look good without a shirt on. Pull your pants up. This isn't Memphis anymore. Oh wait. Yes it is.

Actual Pick: Hasheem Thabeet.

There’s a chance they could actually take Ricky “The Next Pistol Pete” Rubio aka The Young Gun but there’s no way he wants  to play in a place like Memphis. Thabeet is like a poor man’s Marcus Camby. And last I checked, Marcus had 4 Defensive Players of the Year Awards. Just saying. (Hint: I didn’t check.)

3. Oklahoma City Thunder

FS! Dream Pick: Blake Griffin.

The OKConnection. Westbrook and Griffin and KDurant and JGreen. This is a team on the verge. And its no secret that I’ve been on the Bandwagon since last season. So let’s be honest.

Who is he pointing at? Me? I wish.
Who is he pointing at? Me? I wish.

Actual Pick: James Harden.

Another possible location for RickRub aka The Young Gun. I give OKC the edge in the RickRubRodeo because of the Nuecleus they have and he might actually fit. But still. Its OKC. James Harden is a pretty solid pick and should have enough swag to remain relevant. I made that stuff up. I only like him because NBADraft.net has him as a combo platter of Manu Ginobili and Brandon Roy. I think the combo of flopping and swag should leave him as Brandon’s last name. ROY. Rookie of the Year.

4. Sacramento Kings

FS! Dream Pick: Gerald Henderson.

Well it’s more like a Dream Scenario. The Kings draft Gerald Henderson and then don’t return his calls/emails/anything. Gerald Henderson melts into nothingness. Yeah. That could happen.

I am perplexed.
I am perplexed.

Actual Pick: Ricky Rubio.

It’s pretty clear that SacTown wants RickRollRub aka The Young Gun. It’s also pretty clear Ricky wants a Big City place. Does he know anything about Sacramento?

5. Washington Wizards

FS! Dream Pick: Omri Casspi.

Why, you ask? Because President Obama holds a LOT more swing than you think. And Casspi is from Israel. International Relations 101.

The guy who Omri is guarding is balding.
The guy who Omri is guarding is balding.

Actual Pick: Jordan Hill.

I don’t know anything about Jordan Hill.

P.S. If I hadn’t pick Steph already in my Dream Draft, I would have given him to the Wizards. With Gilbert Arenas aka Agent Zero and Steph “Drops Dimes” Curry on the same team, there wouldn’t be enough shots to go around. That would force a trade of DeShawn Stevenson to OKC for cash considerations. Just saying.

P.P.S. Or that scenario could force a trade of Darius Songalia and JaVale McGee to the Raptors for Chris Bosh. Just saying.

P.P.P.S. Who’s JaVale McGee? He plays for Washington and enjoys doing pull-ups and working out his abs to a collection of R&B Slow Jams.

All-NBA Teams.

Some dude named Bethlehem Shoals decided to look at the All-NBA Teams.

FreeDarko feat. Bethlehem Shoals.
FreeDarko feat. Bethlehem Shoals.

I’ma show him how its done.

PLAUSIBLE: Deron Williams, Kevin Garnett, Chris Bosh, Danny Granger, Joe Johnson, Kevin Durant, David West, Mo Williams, Al Jefferson, Devin Harris.

RANDOM: Steve Nash, Antawn Jamison, Ray Allen, Nene, LaMarcus Aldridge, David Lee, Paul Millsap, Andre Iguodala.

STUPID: Rajon Rondo, Derrick Rose, Andre Miller, Hedo Turkoglu.

PERVERSE: Vince Carter, O.J. Mayo, Carlos Boozer, Caron Butler, Jermaine O’Neal, Mehmet Okur.

So those are what he thinks about the votes.

I’m going to forgo the whole Plausible garbage cuz those are pretty legit.

Random.

Nash was mad weak this season. He proved that without D’Antoni, none of the “7 Seconds or Less” Suns are worth anything to anyone. Except their families. And even then….

Antawn is legit. He ripped it up for my fantasy team. So let’s be honest.

Ray Allen was decent. I guess. He is basically an older, less awesome Jason Kapono.

NeNe and LaMarcus were the same person to me.

David Lee is white.

This was the FIRST image of David Lee on Google Images. If I had to work to find it, I would be less worried. But THE FIRST, I say. I'm scared.
This was the FIRST image of David Lee on Google Images. If I had to work to find it, I would be less worried. But THE FIRST, I say. I'm scared.

Paul Millsap is black.

Andre Iguodala can dunk.

Moving on.

Stupid.

Rajon Rondo should probably be in the Perverse group. He’s the Kia Rondo if NBA Starting Point Guards are Mini-Vans.

Rajon Rondo's suit is TOO small.
Rajon Rondo's suit is TOO small.

Derrick Rose is under-rated in my opinion. He should probably be in the Plausible category.

Andre Miller is more Random than Stupid because he kept the Sixers relevant.

Hedo is really not that bad.

Perverse.

VC is definitely random and really stupid. I agree, Beth-y.

OJ Mayo is stupid. But the almost R.O.Y. makes it not necessarily Perverse.

Carlos Boozer and Jermaine O’Neal are totz random and defintely Perverse.

Mehmet Okur is the definition of Perverse.

Mehmet Okur and family on what I hope is Halloween. But then again, I can't be sure its Halloween....
Mehmet Okur and family on what I hope is Halloween. But then again, I can't be sure its Halloween....

Caron Butler is in absolutely NO WAY Perverse. He is one of my favorite players.

If Sebastian Telfair got a vote, then we could talk.

If Rajon got more than a few votes, then we could talk.

If Jason Kapono wasn’t awesome, then we could talk.

But no. Caron Butler is good enough to warrant votes.

Don’t talk to me Beth-y.

NOTE: Although at the beginning of the post and throughout the post I act like I don’t know/don’t care who Bethlehem Shoals is, of course I know who he is. He writes for FreeDarko which is so legit. And The Sporting Blog, also legit. I see you Beth-y.

FreeDarko. The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac. Go buy this book. It's genius.
FreeDarko. The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac. Go buy this book. It's genius.

GO BUY THAT BOOK.

the tournament.

sure.

this seems obvious enough.

right?

wrong.

how many times have i dont that little “right? wrong.” thing in my blog career?

how many times will i do it in the future?

that doesnt matter now.

i have no time for esoteric questions.

esoteric (n.) – seemingly random; undefinable; i just made this definition up, esoteric is not a noun

now on to the main event.

although usually banter is the main event…

whatever.

anyway.

the nc2a all-awesome team!!!!!!

I want to chill with him.
Kenneth Faried: I want to chill with him.
J'Nathan Bullock: C'MONNNNNNN.
J'Nathan Bullock: Take a wild guess which one he is.
Some guy with the last name Nave: Awkward FTW. yes i said FTW.
Some guy with the last name Nave: Awkward FTW. yes i said FTW.
Yeah ND didn't make the tourney. BUT. Look at that beast.
Yeah ND didn't make the tourney. BUT. Look at that beast.
The Dayton Flyers.
The Dayton Flyers.

i went full-sized on the last one.

just to show the all-awesomeness of both rob lowery (far left) and the rest of the team.

i want to go to dayton.

just for fun.

ftw.

ftw.

the LAW of under jersey tshirts.

tshirt

so i have a theory…

well its been all but proven.

the number of players on a team wearing tshirts DIRECTLY correlates to wins and how well a team does in march.

COLEGE BASKETBALL ONLY.

if anyone cared about the NBA then maybe it would apply…

reggie is enough proof.

i mean tell me this isnt true!

(hint: you cant.)

sure this sounds ridiculous, but its not.

name any team in the past forever and this WILL be true.

trust me.

have i lied to you before?

cmon dawg. im honest.

a note about the picture:

reggie (wearing tshirt) miller went on to score 55 points in the game in which this picture was taken.

on that particular play he drove in and dunked AND POSTERIZED his non-tshirt wearing foe.

im the only one that actually knows that.

dont ask questions.

anywho.

p.s. FS!

p.s.s. beefs post on no dreads is so wrong. weezy disproves it.