Super Bowl Preview Week: Defense Comparison

There was alot of snow everywhere yesterday so I took a snow day from blogging. Sorry. Back to my regularly scheduled getting-worked-up-over-nothing.

Defensive Line: Ziggy Hood, Casey Hampton, Brett Kelsel vs. Ryan Pickett, B.J. Raji, Cullen Jenkins

On the basis of names, Ziggy Hood gives the Steelers the edge.

On the basis of people who’s names I have heard, Beej Raji gives the Packers the edge.

On the basis of actual football, it is a draw.

EDGE: Draw

Linebackers: LaMarr Woodley, James Farrior, Lawrence Timmons, James Harrison vs. Clay Matthews, A.J. Hawk, Desmond Bishop, Erik Walden

James Harrison has no backup on the depth chart and although I am probably not the first to notice this, I think this is a sign. He is going to be injured during this game. Can they sub in some random other linebacker and have Woodley and Farrior dominate? I don’t like to speculate about things.

However, if James Harrison goes down, the Packers will have the definitive advantage at the LBs. Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk are very good. I don’t want to fight them in a dark alley or anywhere ever really.

So depending on the inevitable injury actually happening, I say:

EDGE: Draw

Cornerbacks: Bryant McFadden, Ike Taylor vs. Charles Woodson, Tramon Williams

I have been told (via reading ESPN.com) that Bryant McFadden is going to get torched like a mug by Greg Jennings. Also: Greg Jennings is not a tight end? I thought he was. Who am I thinking of?

Taylor Ike or Die. Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow, Black and Yellow.

Charles Woodson is like 50 and Tramon Williams is not good, I think. So:

EDGE: Draw

Safeties: Ryan Clark, Troy Polamalu vs. Nick Collins, Charlie Peprah

Troy Polamalu plays like a man. He is everywhere and nowhere all at once. Wait, no he’s just everywhere.

However, HOWEVER. He has ridiculous hair.

Nick Collins nickname should be ‘Salt’ because he reminds me alot of Veruca Salt (via Willy Wonka) and Salt from the hit movie ‘Salt’ with Angelina Jolie.

And then we could call the Packer safeties ‘Salt and Peprah.’

EDGE: Draw

xXx Special Bonus Matchup xXx: Troy Polamalu vs. Clay Matthews

The Hair Matchup. Wow I really don’t care about this. It’s just getting mad blog hits for some reason. I just find it to be kitsch.

EDGE: Draw

So the final score is 0-0-5. That’s some well-thought out writing. (See, the joke’s on you though because I actually did plan it out. I hadn’t even looked at the matchups because I thought doing all 5 as draws would be funnie.)

Additionally,

Lil’ Wayne has released a track entitled ‘Green and Yellow.’ No one is really sure why. He is a Saints fan apparently. But no he’s not. I am super confused.

I do like the song though. He calls out Ike Taylor as well as claiming when the Packers win they will ‘cut Troy Polamalu’s hair off.’

 

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Super Bowl Preview Week: Comparing the Offenses of the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers

Woah doctor. These are some cah-raz-e off-en-sesssss!

Quarterback: Ben Roethlisberger vs. Aaron Rodgers

Alright so this is the big one. Ben Roethlisberger is a monster. He is huge and tough to handle if he rolls out. (Just ask the Jets on 4th and 9 or whatever it was. That was rough.) But let’s be honest, Aaron Rodgers is straight up torching good defenses. The Bears? Never really stood a chance and everyone in Chicago knew that.

Aaron Rodgers has played in 4 playoff games. In every game his team has put up 21 or more points. They are averaging nearly 34 points a playoff game with Rodgers throwing the ball. Granted, it has never been the Super Bowl but he is living proof that holding him on the bench for 3+ years actually worked.

Roethlisberger has the whole ‘I’ve been here before’ sorta swag. But I don’t like him. Hence…

EDGE: Packers


Running Back: Rashard Mendenhall vs. Brandon Jackson

Rashard Mendenhall gained 1,273 yards on the ground and ran for 13 touchdowns. He didn’t receive the ball particularly well as far as yards and TDs go but his rushing was fairly dominant. Ignoring the statistics, the Steelers were able to pound the living hell out of the Jets (Back to the stats, he gained 121 yards on 27 carries and had a TD, further proof how good he is).

Brandon Jackson gained 703 yards this season. He ran for 3 TDs and caught 1. He barely cracked 1,000 yards from scrimmage (He had 1,045).  No one every claimed Brandon Jackson was good.

Sure, Brandon Jackson is a household name but I have to give the edge here to the under-the-radar-except-in-Pittsburgh Mendenhall.

EDGE: Steelers

That’s actually Korey Hall making the tackle. I don’t really know what is going on.

Fullback: David Johnson vs. Korey Hall

Really confused why I put this category in. Oh wait, no I’m not coming up with this post entirely on my own. My copy editor gave me some bylines for a lede. Journalism buzzwords. Clutch-town, population FS!

EDGE: Journalism-based Jokes


Wide Receivers: Hines Ward, Mike Wallace vs. Greg Jennings, Donald Driver

Hines Ward is old. I think. He’s also like Japanese. Two facts that have nothing to do with the way in which he plays. If you want to know how he actually plays, he plays dirty. He is a cheap shot artist. I mean, that absolutely helps to have one your side in the Big Game. Mike Wallace is super fast. That’s a pretty potent combo. Cheap shot octogenarian and fast guy. Ward and Wallace.

Greg Jennings is pretty good I guess. Donald Driver is also old but still pretty good.

EDGE: Steelers


Offensive Line: Jonathan Scott, Chris Kemoeatu, Maurkice Pouncey, Doug Legursky, Ramon Foster, Flozell Adams vs. Chad Clifton, Daryn Colledge, Scott Wells, Josh Sitton, T.J. Lang

Maurkice Pouncey is NOT playing. That is apparently big news.

I really don’t care.

EDGE: Packers

So after all those words, we have arrived at a 2-2-1 score. So all those words were worthless. Yeah.

Super Bowl Preview Week: Lookin’ Boy

Hey guys and gals, in case the title wasn’t clear we here at FS! will be running a preview week for the Super Bowl.

Expect all sorts of hot breaking stories and hard hitting facts and whatnot.

I’ll kick off your Monday with some hot Lookin’ Boy action.

Charlie Batch, Backup QB of the Pittburgh Steelers

Looks like the son of John Legend and Howie Mandel.

Because a child is the average of his parents haircuts, right?