Russell Westbrook For MVP (UPDATE: Back Off Hiatus)

Sorry about the misleading heading y’all. Just seems like everyone’s pretty hyped to jump on the Westbrook bandwagon and I wanna rack up some mad hits.

This is not a post about Russell Westbrook. Rather it is a post about why all the hype might be deserved but it is also dramatically unnecessary.

Everyone loves lists and everyone loves awards. I know I do. I go on Yahoo! and I will absolutely click on 13 Things Your Flight Attendant Isn’t Telling You. Who wouldn’t? It’s fluff but its damn interesting fluff.

And mid-season awards? I love those. I absolutely love those. Do not get me wrong. Don’t even get me started on how awesome worst of the year awards are. Fantastically interesting albeit really dumb stuff.

But they are incredibly stupid.

Authors, writers, bloggers. They just want people to read the shit they write. I sure as heck do. If I didn’t want people to care I would write about my life rather than the lives of other people.

Oh gosh this is getting all soap-boxy.

But seriously. Russell Westbrook is absolutely the man and the MVP for the Thunder. If the season ended today he would have a great chance at MVP. Damn I should throw more jokes in. Okay.

I really thought this was gonna be all controversial. Not controversial. Just. Well I guess I didn’t know where this was going.

Because the more I think about it, the more I think Russell Westbrook absolutely deserves MVP.

Kevin Durant is playing very Kevin Durant-y. (ie 25 pts on 20-some-odd shots.)

But the Thunder are still rolling. Even in Durants absence. (ie missed like 4 games I think)

I mean they beat the Celtics and Milwaukee without Durant. Because of who? Because of Westbrook. That was a classic rhetorical strategy. Answering my own question. I am a wordsmith.

On another note, the new Kanye West CD is dope.

Back to the Thunder. They absolutely are overachieving, record-wise. In the same way the Heat at underachieving, believe it or not. (Yes the Heat should probably be closer to 14-5 by my calculations.)

But the Thunder are winning tight games. Their point differential is an abysmal +0.4. Which is terrible for a 13-6 team. Russ has just been sealing these games. Well him and Jeff Green. But Jeff Green also hasn’t been playing overwhelming amounts.

Sure, Green hit 3 free throws to send the game to triple OT. Against the Nets, mind you. But it was Russ who dropped 13 (of 13 total Thunder points) to seal the game against New Jersey.


Here’s something I can be controversial about. Well, still not controversial but it annoys me.

Kevin Durant was apparently harassed on Twitter, with some dude calling him the 2nd best player on his own team.

He responded very predictably, saying like ‘Good for my man @RussWest 44, I care about wins over my own personal stats. I am such a everyman basketball player.’


I love Kevin but he needs more of an edge. Otherwise I’m gonna get mad bored.

And he wouldn’t want that.

Damn. I am a little rusty. No jokes no nothing.

Well, Ron Artest didn’t do anything. So.

UPDATE: Ron Artest did his post-game press conference from the perspective of Luis Scola. So that’s out there.

That's not all he did to Luis Scola. AMIRITE? (UPDATE: With that joke, I am officially back)



Welcome Back To Me

What did I miss?

I feel like my last comeback started like that as well.

I posted last before the Final Four was even over. That seems like about 4 months. Far too long to be gone.

I missed:

  • Opening Day
  • Final Four
  • US Open
  • Some stupid tennis tournaments
  • NBA Finals
  • NHL Finals
  • World Cup
  • and 3/4 of The Bachelorette

The World Cup was analyzed to death so I mean what could I have said about that?

On second thought.. I don’t really analyze anything. So I guess I could’ve made stuff up.

Currently though, the LeBron James saga has ended. In a real ‘eff-you’ way to everyone.

Now, I know, I know LeBron had every right to leave Cleveland.

But, BUT unless he was going to stay in Cleveland, The Decision never should have happened.

The Decision could have been a picture of loyalty. Something for the media to drool over.

Wait, am I considered a part of the media?

I don’t actually know.

Anyway, I now hate LeBron. So that’s all I have to say about that.

What inspired this comeback, besides the prodding of some die-hard fans, is the surprising relevance of Lance Armstrong (subject of one of FS! most popular posts) and the outrageous amount of rude and profane comments on the Rajon Rondo interview.

A surprising number of people ignored the content of the post entirely instead choosing to comment on Rondo’s cuteness.

In my time off, I have been reading A LOT. So expect more ‘hardcore’ use of single quotations.

Often ‘at’ odd, inopportune times.

Back to the real point:

My most popular posts are the Fake Interviews. Hence I will do far more of these. Possibly 2-3 a week. Probably limited content past that. But only time will tell.

I will revisit Rondo. And Armstrong.

I will visit for the first time some others.

The real-ness begins tomorrow.

Prepare yourself.

The NBA Shop makes horrible t-shirts.

Taking a different approach today: Attacking fashion. Check that, NBA Fashion.

First up, the t-shirt that inspired this post.

For future reference, call this shirt "The Black Monstrosity"
For future reference, call this shirt "The Black Monstrosity"

This is such a dumb tshirt.

Who wants to wear a blue-print of the Staples Center. Or in this case, a black-print.

But wait. What team are you supporting by wearing this shirt?

The team name isn’t on the front of the shirt SEVEN times.

Then again this shirt has an Ed Hardy-ish vibe. WHICH I HATE.

Its trying WAY too hard to be hip and cool and just ends up being trite and cliche.

Not to mention the model’s uncomfortable look.

How ya doing, cliche-stubble’d dude?

0 for 1

I believe this one is actually called "The Rebel"
I believe this one is actually called "The Rebel"

What is this all black, hipster phase of the shirts?

They just come off as lame.

Everyone knows when you try too hard to be cool, you end up lookin like a tool.

I didn’t mean for that to rhyme. Oh well. It’s tuff being this awesome.

One more thing: What does “PRIDE OF” mean?

Does it mean the wearer of this shirt is proud of the Lakers? Or is this a pride like a group of lions? Or is it the Pride of the NBA Logo? The Pride of Los Angeles? So confusing, but now that I think about it, it makes sense that it’s on this shirt.

Moving on.

"The Jersey Pop"
"The Jersey Pop"

Oh, hey. Do you love that thing that Kobe does when he pops his jersey? Oh, cool. Do you want that immortalized on a shirt? NO. NO ONE WANTS THAT.

Oh, you did it anyway. Thanks, Mr. NBA.

It so rebellious. But not. At all.

Besides, just the name alone makes me think of two things that would create an amazing combination.

New Jersey and Popcorn! It’s like Jiffy-Pop but not!

Now let me just Photoshop something right quick.

New Jersey looks better already!
New Jersey looks better already!

P.S. Don’t take this as a Laker hating article. They just have the largest fan base in the NBA, hence the most stupid gear.

A Battle of Words with Manny Ramirez

It’s Friday/Saturday, when I usually do a fake interview.

At the end, there will be two amazing facts I learned recently.

One about Ron Artest and the other about Darius Miles.


FS!: Manny, thanks for joining us. Actually, its just me. Oh well, I’ll edit that out later.

MR: What’s up man. Love the blog, by the way.

FS!: Really? Thanks. I appreciate the love.

MR: Yeah. Most blog hate me. But you’re always so respectful towards everyone, regardless of ability or personality.

FS!: Yeah, yeah. I guess I am. Thanks, Manny.

MR: Please, call me Man-Ram.

FS!: I am not going to call you that.

MR: Please?

FS!: Moving on. So Mannybaby, I’m going to get right down to business. But first, I’ll open up with some easy questions.

MR: Sounds good.

FS!: I’ve heard you do some community building and charity work in your home country of the Dominican Republic. What’s that like?

MR: Who’d you hear that from?

FS!: Ummm..

MR: I don’t do charity work. Are you serious? I don’t run out ground balls. You think I would do service for my home country?

FS!: Yes. A lot of major league players are doing it. [At this point, I almost said “Kinda like steroids” Did I make the right decision? Read onward, ho!]

MR: Liar.

FS!: Wha.. Oka… Well okay then.

MR: Moving ONWARD, ho.

That whole "Onward Ho" thing reminded me of the Oregon Trail. The game, not the actual trail thing.
That whole "Onward Ho" thing reminded me of the Oregon Trail. The game, not the actual trail thing.

FS!: How ironic.

MR: What’s ironic?

FS!: It’s dramatic irony. You wouldn’t understand.

MR: Why do you I assume I don’t understand darmatic irony?

FS!: You spelled it wrong. And you pronounced it wrong.

MR: How do you how I spell something I say?

FS!: I’m a blogger. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I have no respect for print media. I’m too busy living in my mom’s basement.

MR: Isn’t that an unfair stereotype propgated by the “normal” media that is hesistant to make the inexorable move online?

FS!: Why yes, yes it is.

MR: Oh, okay. Just wondering.

FS!: So did you take performance enhancing drugs?

MR: No.

FS!: Then why have you been suspended for 50 games?

MR: You can be suspended for any substance violation, not just PEDs.

FS!: Okay. Then did you take substances which violated the league’s policy?

MR: No.

FS!: Then why are you suspended?

MR: Clerical error.

FS!: The MLB suspended one of its most popular players due to a CLERICAL ERROR?

MR: Yes.

FS!: I find that hard to believe.

MR: Look, I have done nothing wrong. The only explanation is clerical error.

Something saying something about Google's clerical error lookin boy. I believe eBay was somehow involved sometimes.
Something saying something about Google's clerical error lookin boy. I believe eBay was somehow involved sometimes.

FS!: This is stupid. No one in their right mind thinks that.

MR: I do.

FS!: Mr. Ramirez, then you are insane.

MR: I am. In the membrane.

FS!: Is now the time for a Cypress Hill reference?

MR: Every time is the right time for that, babe.

Manny Ramirez likes Cypress Hill. Because of their looks.
Manny Ramirez likes Cypress Hill. Because of their looks.

FS!: Moving on. How do you feel about MannyWood being replaced by JuanPierreWood?

MR: I hate it. Juan Pierre sucks.

FS!: That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?

MR: No. Juan Pierre definitely sucks.

FS!: But over the past full 4 seasons, from 2005-2008, Juan Pierre has batted .286 and OBP’d .329. Oh and he’s hit a whopping 6 home runs! 6!

MR: All those arguments you made just proved my point.

FS!: I guess they did.

MR: Juan Pierre sucks.

FS!: He’s not even good.

I wonder if the image will actually change like it's supposed to.
I wonder if the image will actually change like it's supposed to.


Is there a Manny-Juan Pierre beef? Probably.

Do I have anymore rhetorical questions? No.

This is a real shirt. Like people buy it. Sarcastic people.
This is a real shirt. Like people buy it. Sarcastic people.

Darius Miles got arrested. Not sure if anyone cares anymore.

Ron Artest thinks that the five-dollar-footlong song should be played in the clubs.


“‘Five Dollar Foot-long’ is one of the best songs,” Artest said. “That’s a hot song. You’ve got the, and then ‘Five Dollar Foot-long’ comes on. When ‘Five Dollar Foot-long’ comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club.”

Ron-Ron’s such a gangsta.

Honestly, what is with people having shirtless pictures as the FIRST IMAGE OF THEM ON GOOGLE.
Honestly, what is with people having shirtless pictures as the FIRST IMAGE OF THEM ON GOOGLE.

Thunder Tattoo Theory


Its not actually a theory.

Its a scientific law.

I went with theory for the alliteration factor.

Don’t worry.

Also sorry about the 2 day hiatus.

I almost blogged about alot yesterday.

But nothing ever materialized.


So the TTT is best explained by a series of images.

And by series, I mean two.

A Simple Graph explaining the effect of tattoos on the OKC Thunder's players.
A Simple Graph explaining the effect of tattoos on the OKC Thunder's players.

Not convinced?

Player-by-Player analysis, based on tattoos.
Player-by-Player analysis, based on tattoos.

If this doesn’t convince you of whatever it should, then I am confused.

These graphs come courtesy of

Yeah, first time ever I referenced another site on FantastikSports.


The Thunder are not currently a force to be reckoned with.

Just wait.

So worst case scenario/most likely scenario:

They draft 4th.

Although they could win the lottery, they probz won’t.

So who do they get?

I don’t know.

But still.

They’re in prime position to pick up someone good.

I am 100% convinced that they are 1 good player away from pure unadulterated dominance.

So maybe not that extreme.

But still.

You get the point.

How far are they under the cap?

I can’t figure it out but I can only assume they are under.

Say they wait and hold onto that assumed room until 2010.

Then they can make a power play for a beast to compliment the Durant-Green-Westbrook power trio they already have.

Yeah, I said power in that sentence 2wice.

And I spelled twice like 2wice.


Russell Westbrook is better than you. By a LOT.
Russell Westbrook is better than you. By a LOT.

talk to chuck

hey chuck.

your commercial?

its terrible.

absolutely awful.

here’s what youre trying to do:

get with the hip generation.

here’s what youre actually doing:

alienating everyone ever in the history of anyone.

i mean ill be honest.

there have been worse commercials.

those chevy this is our country ones come to mind.

but really.

i COULD, could like these commecials.

but, but, BUT, BUT

do you ever get that thing where words dont look like words anymore?

i just had that for but.


i could like these commercials.


they are everywhere.

the volume of these commercials is horrifically anger-inducing.

i thank my lucky stars that they haven’t taken over the food network yet.

please chuck, dont attack the only thing i have left.

now in response to a problem you may have with this post:

“Its not about sports!”


the guy in the youtube clip is wearing a hat.


last i checked, baseball was a sport.

check and mate.


there’s another ad that has some guy sitting at what i can only assume is his son’s baseball game.

and thats a big assumption.

then he says something generic like

“swing away tommy”

the cliche-ness of these ads, especially that damn baseball one is tremendous.

i might have to talk to chuck.


that was forced.