Woah doctor. These are some cah-raz-e off-en-sesssss!
Quarterback: Ben Roethlisberger vs. Aaron Rodgers
Alright so this is the big one. Ben Roethlisberger is a monster. He is huge and tough to handle if he rolls out. (Just ask the Jets on 4th and 9 or whatever it was. That was rough.) But let’s be honest, Aaron Rodgers is straight up torching good defenses. The Bears? Never really stood a chance and everyone in Chicago knew that.
Aaron Rodgers has played in 4 playoff games. In every game his team has put up 21 or more points. They are averaging nearly 34 points a playoff game with Rodgers throwing the ball. Granted, it has never been the Super Bowl but he is living proof that holding him on the bench for 3+ years actually worked.
Roethlisberger has the whole ‘I’ve been here before’ sorta swag. But I don’t like him. Hence…
Running Back: Rashard Mendenhall vs. Brandon Jackson
Rashard Mendenhall gained 1,273 yards on the ground and ran for 13 touchdowns. He didn’t receive the ball particularly well as far as yards and TDs go but his rushing was fairly dominant. Ignoring the statistics, the Steelers were able to pound the living hell out of the Jets (Back to the stats, he gained 121 yards on 27 carries and had a TD, further proof how good he is).
Brandon Jackson gained 703 yards this season. He ran for 3 TDs and caught 1. He barely cracked 1,000 yards from scrimmage (He had 1,045). No one every claimed Brandon Jackson was good.
Sure, Brandon Jackson is a household name but I have to give the edge here to the under-the-radar-except-in-Pittsburgh Mendenhall.
Fullback: David Johnson vs. Korey Hall
Really confused why I put this category in. Oh wait, no I’m not coming up with this post entirely on my own. My copy editor gave me some bylines for a lede. Journalism buzzwords. Clutch-town, population FS!
EDGE: Journalism-based Jokes
Wide Receivers: Hines Ward, Mike Wallace vs. Greg Jennings, Donald Driver
Hines Ward is old. I think. He’s also like Japanese. Two facts that have nothing to do with the way in which he plays. If you want to know how he actually plays, he plays dirty. He is a cheap shot artist. I mean, that absolutely helps to have one your side in the Big Game. Mike Wallace is super fast. That’s a pretty potent combo. Cheap shot octogenarian and fast guy. Ward and Wallace.
Greg Jennings is pretty good I guess. Donald Driver is also old but still pretty good.
Offensive Line: Jonathan Scott, Chris Kemoeatu,
Maurkice Pouncey, Doug Legursky, Ramon Foster, Flozell Adams vs. Chad Clifton, Daryn Colledge, Scott Wells, Josh Sitton, T.J. Lang
Maurkice Pouncey is NOT playing. That is apparently big news.
I really don’t care.
So after all those words, we have arrived at a 2-2-1 score. So all those words were worthless. Yeah.