Kevin Love: A Poor Man’s Ron Artest

Kevin Love has some GQ Blog thing. No one really knows why. He lacks the swag required in my mind. Only Michael Beasley deserves one. At least from the Timberwolves that is.

Either way. Kevin Love decided to give people on his team fake-gifts in a funny, cutesy, approachable blog post.

Cute.

And not funny.

Mike Beasley: A SpongeBob SquarePants: The Collectors Edition DVD Box Set.
Whenever we’re in the training room, he’s got SpongeBob on the TV and he’s sitting there laughing his ass off. It helps him relax, I guess. That’s just Beasley. Sometimes somebody will walk in and see him, shake their head and just keep on moving.

Corey Brewer: An unlimited, all-you-can-eat, lifetime pass to the Old Country Buffet.
We need to put some weight on that guy. Because he is 6-foot-9, 185 pounds. Which is insane.

Bassy Telfair: A new set of very expensive earrings.
Oh man. He has very nice jewelry, and early on in the season we were messing around on the bus—he was hitting me in the face, giving me wet willies, so I smacked him, and his earring fell out. And we could never find it. I felt terrible. Let’s just say it was a pretty nice earring. Luckily insurance pays for stuff like that. But still, let’s get him a new one for Christmas.

Kosta Koufos: A lifetime supply of CertainDri anti-perspirant.
He sweats constantly, like no one I’ve ever seen. He reminds me of that scene in Along Came Polly, when Ben Stiller’s face gets mashed into that guys sweaty chest. Kosta is that guy.

Kevin Love: One free grooming seminar from GQ’s style experts.
In case you didn’t know, there is a lot of irony in me doing a blog for GQ. I can’t grow my beard in all the way. I’m not at all well-groomed. I could use the help.

I’ll tell you what they really need.

Michael Beasley: A Better Attitude.

Corey Brewer: A Modeling Agent. Being that skinny helps in that profession I think. Especially for guys right?

Bassy Telfair: Okay. Wow. Kevin Love calls him Bassy. What a poser. I mean sure it’s his nickname and all. But Bassy needs A Better Nickname.

Kosta Koufos: A lifetime supply of CertainDri anti-perspirant. He sweats constantly, like no one I’ve ever seen. He reminds me of that scene in Along Came Polly, when Ben Stiller’s face gets mashed into that guys sweaty chest. Kosta is that guy.

Kevin Love: A Blogging Lesson courtesy of Me. Lucky him.

Are all those things not really things. But they all fit. Also it is Christmas Eve.

I gotta go deliver presents.

PS: Why is Kevin Love giving Sebastian Telfair wet willies? TMZ, get on this!!!!!!!!!!

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