NBA All-Star Voting: At The Center Of The Scandal

Centers: Centers:
Dwight Howard  (Magic)  611,561
Shaquille O’Neal  (Celtics)  241,782
Joakim Noah  (Bulls)  97,163
Andrea Bargnani  (Raptors)  53,275
Al Horford  (Hawks)  49,098
Andrew Bogut  (Bucks)  48,298
Brook Lopez  (Nets)  38,103
JaVale McGee  (Wizards)  36,227
Roy Hibbert  (Pacers)  35,006
Ben Wallace  (Pistons)  21,858
Yao Ming  (Rockets)  430,984
Andrew Bynum  (Lakers)  198,044
Brendan Haywood  (Mavericks)  127,375
Marc Gasol  (Grizzlies)  120,811
Emeka Okafor  (Hornets)  115,647
Nene  (Nuggets)  105,747
Chris Kaman  (Clippers)  87,536
Marcus Camby  (Blazers)  57,046
DeMarcus Cousins  (Kings)  37,571
Andris Biedrins  (Warriors)  36,655

This is egregious.

I am going to ignore the fact that the arguable MVP up until this point is 7th in Western Conference voting for guards.

(Russell Westbrook)

BUT. Jason Kidd is ahead of him?! HOW!?

No. No. I said I was going to ignore it.

The Center voting in each conference is far more offensive. And not in an ‘offense’ like have-the-ball-and-score way. In a hurtful way.

Clearly the John Q. Public is stupid. That we all know. But they really shouldn’t be. John Q. Public, you should understand. You should vote for who you want to see! You really want to see:

  • Shaquille O’Neal as the first center off the bench? I don’t.
  • Bargnani anywhere near the top 10? I do. But anyone who knows the NBA doesn’t.
  • JaVale McGee having more than 30,000 votes? I do. Dude’s versatile.
  • Roy Hibbert, who is having a top-5-center-type-a year, not in the top-5-a-type-a-year? I don’t really care about that so much.
  • Literally everyone in the Top 10 for the West is ridiculous. And here’s why.

  1. Yao Ming is mad injured and by my calculations has not played this year. (Even if he has, my calculations don’t lie. Pick a side to believe, reader.)
  2. Andrew Bynum has played I guess. But not enough. Perpetual injury. He’s like a poor man’s Greg Oden because his injures are cheaper and less-hurt-y than Oden’s. Like he’s thrifty for the injury.
  3. Brendan Haywood is not the best center on his own team. The Eiffel Towers are. Ian Mahmini and Alex Ajinca that is. But uh seriously Tyson Chandler is actually having an All-Star Caliber Year. So give the man some respeto. Is that respect in Spanish? ‘Me no hablo’ – Kanye West.
  4. Marc Gasol is not the best Gasol on two teams. Assuming those two teams are the Lakers and the Grizzlies. If those two teams aren’t those specific two then well uh never mind. Also: Pau Gasol plays Forward. So that’s even more confusing.
  5. Emeka Okafor. I have no idea of the quality of his play. I’m afraid the Hornets have been mad over-performing though. So by the transitive property so is Okafor. Also he went to UConn. I don’t like UConn.
  6. Nene. Who cares? Why would you want to see him in the All-Star Game?
  7. Kaman and Camby are polar opposites. In that Kaman only plays offense and Camby, only defense. So they cancel each other out.
  8. Cousins is the token-rookie on the list. He’s not even that good.
  9. Biedrins is available in my fantasy league. Should I swag that?

I didn’t look up how to spell those two Mavericks centers names. Ian and Alex. That’s how you spell their first names. I don’t know about the last names.

Correct me.

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