The Real Donald Sterling

'Who is this baseball glove who is putting his/her arm around me?' -Elton Brand

Okay so most of you probably don’t know who Donald Sterling is. So we can do a little who, what, where, when, why, and how sorta thing.

WHO is Donald Sterling?

Sterling is the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers.

WHAT is Donald Sterling?

A bad person.

When Sterling first bought the Ardmore [irrelevant what that is], he remarked on its odor to Davenport [irrelevant who that is]. “That’s because of all the blacks in this building, they smell, they’re not clean,” he said, according to Davenport’s testimony. “And it’s because of all of the Mexicans that just sit around and smoke and drink all day.” He added: “So we have to get them out of here.”

That’s a quote from an ESPN article from 2009.

What is wrong with this dude?

WHERE is Donald Sterling?

Probably Los Angeles. I don’t really understand the question.

WHEN is Donald Sterling?

When is he what? When is he going to sell the Clippers? When is he going to die? I mean I don’t know. Who is asking these questions.

WHY is Donald Sterling?

Why is he what? Why is he heckling Baron Davis? Why is he the way that he is? I don’t know. Am I trying to set myself up for jokes or what? Because if I am, I’m doing a horrible job.

HOW is Donald Sterling?

Probably pretty good. Dude owns a basketball team. Wait, money doesn’t buy happiness. So he probably hasn’t bought any happiness recently.

Two things that I think while I’m watching Sportscenter:

  1. Brittney Griner annoys me alot. She thinks she’s all that. She is all that. But what on earth do you do with women’s basketball? The ‘next level’ is the WNBA. Who cares about the WNBA? Like 100 people maybe. And I mean that in the most sexist way possible.
  2. Some dude just called Maurice Jones-Drew ‘Mo Jones-Drew.’ I mean it is technically a nickname. But MJD is way more concise and less confusing. Mo-Jo is okay. I like Mo-Jo.
  3. Also. I hate like every commercial ever. None of them are funny. I especially hate this one Hyundai one with like two hipsters singing Christmas carols.

Yes, I know that was 3 things but the Hyundai commercial snuck up on me. Is this commercial more annoying than those rotoscoped commercials by Charles Schwab? Absolutely.

Back to Donald Sterling. He is not a good person.

However I completely approve of him heckling Baron Davis. Courtside. Nightly.

I endorse it even.

Donald Sterling is like a much older, much tanner Mark Cuban. Yep.


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