AFC Preview

'It was THIS big' -Rex Ryan

AFC East: New York Jets

If you don’t have HBO, you wouldn’t really understand. Hard Knocks, the always excellent HBO series, features the Jets this year and it is absolutely fantastic. I mean like its better than the traditional Hard Knocks which is just so compelling as a documentary. I have actually laughed out loud (alol’d) approximately (approx) 5 times in each episode (epi).

What does this actually have to do with playing football? Well the last 5 Hard Knocks teams have won their division/Super Bowl/Pro Bowl. (Ed. note: That is made up) (FS! note: There is no editor).

I mean like the Jets were good last year and I think this is their breakthrough as long as Darelle Revis signs/doesn’t get in their head. Whatever. Fill in your own real analysis.

Should I break up that paragraph?

Well that line makes no sense now because I divided the paragraph.

If you read this blog for real analysis and don’t want to ‘Fill in your own real analysis’ you can go to h-e double hockey sticks. ‘Sports’ as a topic on this blog is a vehicle for humor. Not actual analysis.

Jason Campbell smiles for the camera

AFC West: Oakland Raiders

They’re 2-0 in the preseason. So at that rate, they’ll go 16-0 in the regular season right?

Jason Campbell = QB of Today. He’s high on my mock draft fantasy football boards. (Too many adjectives before boards?)

And I’m not just using ‘boards’ in the figurative, in-my-mind sense. I have about 5 whiteboards in my living room for mock draft analysis.

I only do hypothetical, fantasy-based analysis. Not actual football analysis.

Analysis.

Anquan Boldin

AFC North: Baltimore Ravens

I almost put Baltimore Colts there, confusing the North and South champions. The Baltimore Colts were a team once. That’s probably why I almost put that. Then I realized I wasn’t born in 1901 and was also not an idiot.

That situation was hypothetical. I never actually typed/thought about the Baltimore Colts. Even as I just typed it.

Gosh, this post is getting cryptic and oblique and nebulous and loquacious.

‘What do you mean it’s getting loquacious? It is not overly emotional, so you’re just word-stuffing.’

My response would be: ‘Nice vocabulary.’

Anquan Boldin, Joe ‘Waka’ Flacco ‘Flame’, Ray Rice, Ray Lewis, Andre Johnson, Mark Sanchez.

All those guys play football. A few of them play for the Ravens. I’m just gonna pretend that was analysis.

So many Marvin Harrison gun-related photoshops.

AFC South: Indianapolis Colts

They’ve won this division alot. And Peyton Manning stopped doing so many silly commercials.

Well, arguably, just stopped doing ‘new’ silly commercials that made him seem more ‘human’. His old silly commercials still exist and play and annoy.

Anyway, Peyton’s focused. Marvin Harrison is off killing people and being a bad human being. Good thing he retired.

I wonder if shooting up a mechanic’s shop was what he always planned on doing after he retired.

I’m not trying to make light of a serious situation where Harrison seems culpable. I just can’t formally comment on an on-going police investigation.

‘Just playin’ y’all.’ I’m a blogger not a cop or police officer or the fuzz. Whatever they go by now.

Sorry, that was the ‘uber-tangent’ and now I’m way out of focus.

The Colts are too good to lose this division. Houston sucks except for Andre Johnson + Matt Schaub. Ten-I-see is probably gonna be okay but I doubt Vince Young’s ability to not mentally breakdown down the stretch. Jacksonville? More like Jacked-up-Suckson-ville.

Well, I guess there's only 2. But they're both terrible.
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