FS!: Howdy Jimmie. How are things? Darn tootin’?
JJ: Why are you talking like that?
FS!: All racecar drivers are hicks and I figured if I mocked you it would make you feel more welcome.
JJ: Dad-gum son, you done good!
FS!: Anyway, how are you? The season’s winding down, your thoughts.
JJ: Well I’m going to win the Sprint Cup, so I am doing pretty good. Plus my wife is hot.
FS!: Wow. How misogynistic. Try not to be so sexist. Stupid hick.
JJ: Sorry. I guess loving my wife is sexist now.
FS!: Yeah. Shut up about your wife. We don’t want to hear about her and her stupid nice body.
JJ: I forgot this was family blog. I’ll tone down the PG material, like calling a woman attractive.
FS!: Much appreciated.
FS!: So I’m going to ask you what everyone in my audience is thinking: why am I interviewing you?
JJ: My agent is a genius. I pinched myself earlier. This is like a dream come true.
FS!: But I hate racecar driving. And NASCAR. So why am I even sitting here?
JJ: I don’t really know. On another note though, I can’t believe the size of your office building. And that receptionist? She was hot.
FS!: Watch your damn language.
JJ: Oh I get why that last thing was funny. Because you told me to not say anything semi-explicit by using an explicit word.
FS!: Finally. Someone who gets me.
JJ: I’m glad you’ve come to accept me.
FS!: No, I still hate you and everything you stand for. Why is car driving even a sport?
JJ: (shrugs shoulders) I don’t know.
FS!: I’ll tell you why it isn’t. Because it isn’t hard! Anyone can drive a car! At 200 miles an hour! Around a small track with 39 other people! In a race setting!
JJ: Wow. I’ve seen the light. You are so right. That takes no skill. If that’s true, then why do I have so much money?
FS!: Who knows? I’ll tell you who: Hicks.
JJ: Yeah. Those stupid hicks. Except they don’t even like me. I’m too clean cut.
FS!: Too clean cut for hicks? Now I’ve heard it all.
JJ: I know! I assumed they could respect someone who shaved and was pretty fit. But apparently no dice.
FS!: Maybe you should go back to saying things like “dagnabbit” and “rassle.”
JJ: Can you use “rassle” in a normal sentence?
FS!: I’m going to go rassle me some varmints!
JJ: Good call.
JJ: Anyway. Back to me being clean cut. I had scruff for, like, a whole day. Those people just can’t be pleased.
FS!: Except by NASCAR.
JJ: How ironic.
FS!: This is weird. It’s like I’m interviewing myself.
JJ: That’s what I was going to say!
JJ: Well you do have rugged good looks, much like myself.
FS!: Damn skippy.
JJ: Well, I do declare, we should have a hoedown!
FS!: Will there be a fiddle player?
JJ: But of course! And we will do western-y things!
FS!: Stop using Exclamation points.
FS!: NASCAR sucks.
Sorry. Short one today. Little bored with the topic.
It’ll be better tomorrow.