Taking a page out of my old playbook, I’m going to reference an ESPN article throughout this post.
Mark Ingram is decent.
Case Keenum’s stats are swaggerific.
Tim Tebow and Colt McCoy have been more off than my light switch. And my light switch is off right now.
CJ Spiller? What has he done? Nothing.
Kellen Moore does not, NOT deserve 2 first place votes. EVER. EVER.EVERVEVRVERVERVERVERVERVER.
Toby Gerhart has swag and deserves at least 15 first place votes.
Jacquizz Rodgers needs less z’s in his name. Yes, two z’s is too many z’s. Two too many. Wordplay.
Hey, is Jordan Shipley roomates with Colt McCoy? What a news story. I hope ESPN/everyone doesn’t talk about it non-stop. That’d be annoying and unnecessary. ITS NOT EVEN A REALLY GOOD STORY. Congrats, they live together. Stop the presses. I hear Tim Tebow does missionary work. (That’s a joke because everyone already knows that too.)
Jimmy Clausen. Really. No joke. Jimmy Clausen is on a Heisman list. I feel like I’m on Candid Camera. Not familiar with that show? It’s a less funny version of Punk’d. And Punk’d is very funny. So Candid Camera is pretty funny.
Andy Dalton is the most underrated player by default. Only because TCU isn’t given the time of day in a clock factory. Gosh, I’m pretty heavy on analogies today. Or are they allusions? Similies?
Ryan Matthews is probably a nice young man. I doubt he’s good enough to be on a Heisman list though. Prove me wrong, Ryan Matthews.
How can someone named after “a natural enzyme supplement that can help you prevent gas, bloating, and other digestive problems after eating certain foods” be on a panel of college football experts?
Am I judging a book by its cover? That depends. Is his name his cover? This analogy is confusing. I’m confused.
I’m done with my analysis section. I guess by Analysis I mean talking about Beano Cook.
FS! Heisman Watch:
1. Case Keenum. I think Houston has diddly squat without Keenum passing for 500+ yards a game. I also love seeing 536 yard, 5 TD games and 559 yard, 5 TD games scroll across the ESPN Bottom Line.
2. Toby Gerhart. Watch a Stanford game. If you can’t, just trust me. You trust me, don’t you?
3. Andy Dalton. TCU is just beastmode. Until they lose Dalton will occupy the 3 spot in my rankings. Just to remind you. TCU. TCU. TCU.
4. Mark Ingram. The Super Sophmore is pretty good. I hate it when announcers say that he’s better ‘after first contact.’ It may be true, but SHUT UP.
5. CJ Spiller. I feel like he’s fast. Is he fast?
PS New features on the Sidebar. Brandon Jenning Stat Dominance and Heisman Watch. Updated whenever it feels right.