Off The Map, Nonsensical Brilliance

So much happened this week that I am going to interrupt both the NFL Preview AND Lookin’ Boy Monday.

You’ll probably be mad because of this but so be it.

First off:

Serena Williams.

What a ridiculous call by the US Open official. And the tournament director.

Threatened to kill the linesperson? Maybe. But I like it.

If you are surprised by Serena’s reaction, then you have NO idea how like aggressively competitive she is.

She is actually, medically-documented-ly, clinically insane.

And she can hit a tennis ball really hard.

I’m chalking her suspension/disqualification/fine to racism.

Its just like I always say, “The US Open is racist”

(I have never said that until just now. Don’t tell anyone. Be cool, man.)

Denim skirt? Really?
Denim skirt? Really?

Second off:

KanYe West.

Genius move on his part.

Few people were buzzin about him, but nothing like the climax about 808s and Heartbreak or Graduation.

Part of what makes him great is the passion he showed last night.

I mean, c’mon. The guy can latch so strongly on a video that he feels compelled to climb on stage and steal the mic from a 19 year old girl. That is incredible.

He didn’t even produce/write/have anything to do with the song! Or video for that matter!

His genius is part passion and part insanity.

But did he cross the line last night?

No.

Taylor could have prevented this by not giving him the mic. Thank my lucky stars she handed it over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taylor could have prevented this by not giving him the mic. Thank my lucky stars she handed it over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Third Off:

Tiger Woods.

He decided to actually play this weekend.

He destroyed the field by 8 shots, including a course record 62 on Saturday.

He will win the FedEx Cup. You heard it here first. Even though you probably didn’t.

On another note, he beat PGA Champion YE Yang by 32 shots.

That is just grand hustle, pimp.

This picture is ironic now. If only YE knew what was to come...
This picture is ironic now. If only YE knew what was to come...

Fourth Off:

Texas Rangers.

The Rangers really didn’t do so hot this weekend and they may very well have vanquished their playoff hopes.

However, their game on Saturday really hit a chord (is it spelled chord or cord? I don’t care.) with me.

The game was called with 3 outs remaining.

The Rangers lost the game.

The Rangers only got to play 24 outs, compared to the Mariners 27.

How is this fair?

I mean I get it if the home team is winning and they don’t play the bottom of the 9th.

But the home team was losing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The MLB seriously need to look at this policy because it is downright stupid.

I understand that they can’t predict the weather* but at least let the teams play full innings. Duh.

(*I think the MLB CAN predict the weather. If only the MLB would believe in themselves, there would be no stopping what they could do.)

Julio Borbon and Sean Gaston. I do not know who Sean Gaston is. Hopefully that was funny. I didn't write a joke in there. But maybe you found one.
Julio Borbon and Sean Gaston. I do not know who Sean Gaston is. Hopefully that was funny. I didn't write a joke in there. But maybe you found one.

Fifth Off:

Michigan vs. Notre Dame.

For one time, and ONE TIME ONLY, I take the side of Notre Dame.

Only because I absolutely have unadulterated hatred for the Big Ten Conference.

Both teams are overrated. But the whole Big Ten thing makes me root against Michigan.

I HATE THE BIG TEN.

Jim Tressel leads his team in the spelling of 'OVERRATED.' Don't blame me for the poor quality of this joke. I didn't make it up. I stole it.
Jim Tressel leads his team in the spelling of 'OVERRATED.' Don't blame me for the poor quality of this joke. I didn't make it up. I stole it.

Sixth Off:

Monday Night Football.

The Bills will get wrecked in every direction.

T.O. will be wishing he’s back in Dallas.

Trent Edwards will be wishing he did something else during his time at Stanford.

Tom Brady will be LOL-ing.

FTW.

There is no way around this: TO has amazing abs.
There is no way around this: TO has amazing abs.
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