NFL Preview: AFC West

Denver Broncos

With a quarterback like Kyle Orton how could you go wrong? I’m surprised the Bears gave him up. His beard should be enough for like 4 wins all by itself.

Nickname: Matt Forte “is overrated.”

Projected Record: 4-12.

THIS is what Kyle Orton looks like?
THIS is what Kyle Orton looks like?

Kansas City Chiefs

With a quarterback like Matt Cassel how could you go wrong? I’m surprised the Pats gave him up. His clean shaven face should be enough for like 4 wins all by itself.

Nickname: Larry Johnson “is underrated.”

Projected Record: 4-12

That's not how you wear a helmet! Silly Matt Cassel!
That's not how you wear a helmet! Silly Matt Cassel!

Oakland Raiders

The Raiders decided that JaMarcus Russell is a better quarterback than Jeff Garcia, so much so that the Raiders actually CUT Jeff Garcia. I just thought of a conspiracy theory. Has anyone seen Ashton Kutcher in awhile? No? Exactly. He’s gone undercover as Al Davis, owner of the Raiders. He’s Punk’n everyone. No one REALLY thinks that JaMarcus Russell is good. Right?

Nickname: Darren “Run-DMC” McFadden. Oh come on. I so came up with that.

Projected Record: 4-12.

What inspires JaMarcus Russell to pose for this picture? Answer: He didn't pose for it. This is just a day in the life.
What inspires JaMarcus Russell to pose for this picture? Answer: He didn't pose for it. This is just a day in the life.

San Diego Chargers

Phillip Rivers is like the poor man’s Drew Brees. (There’s no joke in there. I looked.)

Nickname: Shawne “Tequila” Merriman. That’s a pop culture reference. Oh well, I’m tired.

Projected Record: 4-12

This is what Shawne Merriman wants to look like. No one knows why.
This is what Shawne Merriman wants to look like. No one knows why.
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