NFL Preview: AFC East


New England Patriots

19-0? No dice. They will not win more than 3 games this year. Unless Tom Brady plays. He’s injured right?

Nickname: Randy Moss Sucks.

Projected Record: 14-2.

Randy Moss
Randy Moss

Miami Dolphins

Wildcat. Wildcat. Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.

Nickname: Wildcat. Wildcat.

Projected Record: 16-0. (Betcha thought I was going to say Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat. Sorry. But the Wildcat. Wildcat. is why they’re gonna have a perfect season.)

T-Shirt logo. Courtesy of Crazy.

New York Jets

I want to like the Jets. But no more Wayne Chrebet makes me like them less. Is that reference to the fan-favorite, late 90s, early 00s wide reciever over your head? It seems cliche. Oh well.

Nickname: Mark “Nice Lips” Sanchez. He has nice lips.

Projected Record: 5-11.

Mark Sanchez
Mark Sanchez

Buffalo Bills

Even if T.O. catches 9 touchdowns a game, the team cannot win without Marshawn Lynch. Until he proves he’s either a Mike Vick-style headcase or sane, he will not succeed. Walking the line between insanity and sanity does NOT work. Pick a side Marshawn. My guess: Insane. (I feel like this last part was a little wordy. Oh well.)

Nickname: Trent “The Guy Throwing to T.O./Handing The Ball Off To Marshawn ‘Beast Mode’ Lynch” Edwards.

Projected Record: 4-12.

Marshawn Lynch's mouth.
Marshawn Lynch's mouth.

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