New England Patriots
19-0? No dice. They will not win more than 3 games this year. Unless Tom Brady plays. He’s injured right?
Nickname: Randy Moss Sucks.
Projected Record: 14-2.
Wildcat. Wildcat. Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.
Nickname: Wildcat. Wildcat.
Projected Record: 16-0. (Betcha thought I was going to say Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat.Wildcat. Wildcat. Sorry. But the Wildcat. Wildcat. is why they’re gonna have a perfect season.)
New York Jets
I want to like the Jets. But no more Wayne Chrebet makes me like them less. Is that reference to the fan-favorite, late 90s, early 00s wide reciever over your head? It seems cliche. Oh well.
Nickname: Mark “Nice Lips” Sanchez. He has nice lips.
Projected Record: 5-11.
Even if T.O. catches 9 touchdowns a game, the team cannot win without Marshawn Lynch. Until he proves he’s either a Mike Vick-style headcase or sane, he will not succeed. Walking the line between insanity and sanity does NOT work. Pick a side Marshawn. My guess: Insane. (I feel like this last part was a little wordy. Oh well.)
Nickname: Trent “The Guy Throwing to T.O./Handing The Ball Off To Marshawn ‘Beast Mode’ Lynch” Edwards.
Projected Record: 4-12.