10 Hours over NBA Draft Heaven.

This title was supposed to be a take off of 30 Seconds Over Tokyo. But then again I have no idea what 30 Seconds Over Tokyo is.

So this Draft thing is today. And guess what. NBADraft.net definitely crashed. Dude, come through in the clutch. No dice. I guess I have to change my post.

More important than the Draft is the hot stove. Lotsa trades just went down and I’m here to help you make your way through all the ridiculousness that is on the internet.

Here are the Two Trades people around YOUR Water Cooler will be discussing:

Bucks-Spurs

Bucks Trade Richard Jefferson to Spurs for Bruce Bowen, Kurt Thomas, and Fabricio “Oh Boy” Oberto.

This is cross-promotion waiting to happen. Make it happen, whoever makes Oh Boy Oberto.
This is cross-promotion waiting to happen. Make it happen, whoever makes Oh Boy Oberto.

Cavs-Suns

Cavs Trade Sasha Pavlovic and Ben Wallace for Shaquille “The Big Aristotle” O’Neal.

Now, here’s analysis that you can throw down at the Water Cooler for instant Cred.

Richard Jefferson is old. He fits right in with the Michael Finley-Tim “T-Diddy” Duncan Spurs.

Reading like the Sporting News and ESPN, they say that Richard Jefferson will be the 4th Scorer on the Spurs. Who’s ahead of him? Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Michael Finley. MICHAEL FINLEY > Richard Jefferson? NO. Wrong. Good Work Gregg Popovich.

P.S. Has anyone ever seen Gregg with that extra G before Pop? Learn to conform, Coach.

I can’t picture Bruce Bowen in a uniform that doesn’t have Spurs or Los Spurs on it. Can you?

Bruce Bowen, moments after finding out he was going to Milwaukee. Yes, he was in full uniform playing pickup ball with a circa-2008 Vladamir Radmanovic.
Bruce Bowen, moments after finding out he was going to Milwaukee. Yes, he was in full uniform playing pickup ball with a circa-2008 Vladamir Radmanovic.

Kurt Thomas sucks.

Has anyone ever had a more-perfect, pre-packaged nickname than Fabricio “Oh Boy” Oberto? I can’t think of one.

Now on to the Cavs trade.

If you can name one difference (a REAL difference, not just like spelling or something) between Sasha Vujacic and Sasha Pavlovic, then I’ll give you a firm virtual handshake.

This is Sasha Vujacic. Guarding himself. I'm befuddled.
This is Sasha Vujacic. Guarding himself. I'm befuddled. Wait there's two basketballs. So now he's driving on himself? While backing the other him down? Confused? Yes.

Ben Wallace needs the Afro to be considered legit ever again.

Shaq is decent. I’m thinking they should have canned Mike Brown. For two reasons. 1. He sucks. 2. Sending a message to the whole League. “Not even the ‘Coach of the Year’ is good enough for our team.” No one would mess with them/take them seriously ever again.

PHX was clearly looking to dump Shaq because if they were looking at Sasha and Big Ben as actual rebuilding, they need to stop being stupid.

This is obviously a good move for Cleveland. Mike Brown never knew how to use Sasha. Also Big Ben broke his leg. End of story. Shaq is old but better than some sort of Sasha Wallace hybrid. No doubt.

Big Ben has that Big Hair Swag.
Big Ben has that Big Hair Swag.
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