It’s Friday/Saturday, when I usually do a fake interview.
At the end, there will be two amazing facts I learned recently.
One about Ron Artest and the other about Darius Miles.
FS!: Manny, thanks for joining us. Actually, its just me. Oh well, I’ll edit that out later.
MR: What’s up man. Love the blog, by the way.
FS!: Really? Thanks. I appreciate the love.
MR: Yeah. Most blog hate me. But you’re always so respectful towards everyone, regardless of ability or personality.
FS!: Yeah, yeah. I guess I am. Thanks, Manny.
MR: Please, call me Man-Ram.
FS!: I am not going to call you that.
FS!: Moving on. So Mannybaby, I’m going to get right down to business. But first, I’ll open up with some easy questions.
MR: Sounds good.
FS!: I’ve heard you do some community building and charity work in your home country of the Dominican Republic. What’s that like?
MR: Who’d you hear that from?
MR: I don’t do charity work. Are you serious? I don’t run out ground balls. You think I would do service for my home country?
FS!: Yes. A lot of major league players are doing it. [At this point, I almost said “Kinda like steroids” Did I make the right decision? Read onward, ho!]
FS!: Wha.. Oka… Well okay then.
MR: Moving ONWARD, ho.
FS!: How ironic.
MR: What’s ironic?
FS!: It’s dramatic irony. You wouldn’t understand.
MR: Why do you I assume I don’t understand darmatic irony?
FS!: You spelled it wrong. And you pronounced it wrong.
MR: How do you how I spell something I say?
FS!: I’m a blogger. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I have no respect for print media. I’m too busy living in my mom’s basement.
MR: Isn’t that an unfair stereotype propgated by the “normal” media that is hesistant to make the inexorable move online?
FS!: Why yes, yes it is.
MR: Oh, okay. Just wondering.
FS!: So did you take performance enhancing drugs?
FS!: Then why have you been suspended for 50 games?
MR: You can be suspended for any substance violation, not just PEDs.
FS!: Okay. Then did you take substances which violated the league’s policy?
FS!: Then why are you suspended?
MR: Clerical error.
FS!: The MLB suspended one of its most popular players due to a CLERICAL ERROR?
FS!: I find that hard to believe.
MR: Look, I have done nothing wrong. The only explanation is clerical error.
FS!: This is stupid. No one in their right mind thinks that.
MR: I do.
FS!: Mr. Ramirez, then you are insane.
MR: I am. In the membrane.
FS!: Is now the time for a Cypress Hill reference?
MR: Every time is the right time for that, babe.
FS!: Moving on. How do you feel about MannyWood being replaced by JuanPierreWood?
MR: I hate it. Juan Pierre sucks.
FS!: That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?
MR: No. Juan Pierre definitely sucks.
FS!: But over the past full 4 seasons, from 2005-2008, Juan Pierre has batted .286 and OBP’d .329. Oh and he’s hit a whopping 6 home runs! 6!
MR: All those arguments you made just proved my point.
FS!: I guess they did.
MR: Juan Pierre sucks.
FS!: He’s not even good.
Is there a Manny-Juan Pierre beef? Probably.
Do I have anymore rhetorical questions? No.
Darius Miles got arrested. Not sure if anyone cares anymore.
Ron Artest thinks that the five-dollar-footlong song should be played in the clubs.
“‘Five Dollar Foot-long’ is one of the best songs,” Artest said. “That’s a hot song. You’ve got the FreeCreditReport.com, and then ‘Five Dollar Foot-long’ comes on. When ‘Five Dollar Foot-long’ comes on, they should play that in the club. They should play all those in the club.”
Ron-Ron’s such a gangsta.