December 7, 2008
A day after being drafted by the Tiburon Sharks, Brian Urlacher had a career, record-setting day.
Lining up just outside the defensive end, running into an invisible barrier until the snap, Urlacher blitzed every play without fail.
Such risk was rewarded with 8.5 sacks to go along with 10 tackles for losses.
The former Chicago Bear terrorized the Minnesota Vikings backfield, even forcing Tavaris Jackson to be carted of the field with broken legs. (X-rays confirmed)
Urlacher was also miraculously un-penalized, jumping perfectly on ever play, never once dropping into coverage.
Although an undeniable threat on defense, he also was substituted in on special teams where he blocked 2 punts.
“Some days you’re just really, really good. I was feeling it today, but it was a team effort.” said Urlacher.
The offense was slightly less dominating. Very slightly.
Although Coach L. Smith started Daunte Culpepper, ranked 3rd on the depth chart, the offense put up 72 points.
The strength of Tiburon is their depth as a whole. The team as a whole is 95% previous Pro Bowlers, almost as though there was some sort of fantasy draft.
“I was happy to get the start to really show what I can do for this team. Also look out for more TD dances [laughs]” said Culpepper.
Coach L. Smith has the following to say: “The Tiburon fans can expect more of this, unless we start to play like were simulated, and shut it down until the playoffs.”
Truly odd words from the coach.
The MLB for the Vikings was somewhat less successful.
Although standing a towering 7 feet tall and weighing well over 300 pounds, the blazing, 99-speed, 99-awareness linebacker was held in check by the All-Pro line of the Sharks.
The difference between Urlacher and Stupid Idiot on this day was not just stats, but also leadership.
“I may be 300 pounds and 7 feet tall and have 99-speed and 99-awareness but I didn’t get it done today. What can I say?” said Idiot.
Less than 15 minutes after the game, the Sharks traded their 2nd string punter for Stupid Idiot in a truly incredible move for both parties.
The NFL commissioner has looked into the matter and possible league violations by the Sharks, but declined interview “at this point and time.”
i cannot believe this actually happened.
wow. if anything like this ever happens again, ill post it right away.
truly, a fantastik sport.
this is totally fabricated.
like if brian urlacher played in madden.
hope yall caught that…