College Football Preview: SEC

I have in fact decided to not save the best for last [prove me wrong, beef]

and go straight to the mo-fo’in SEC.

Good Lord do they pwn.

LSU is very good. FLorida is very great. Ole Miss is damn okay!

Before I get started, I need to dispell some dumb idea your currently having.

I am most certainly not a fan of any SEC team. Ever. I am a Nebraska fan. A Stanford fan. A Georgetown fan. Whoever is playing Duke fan. Whoever is playing Texas fan. [With some exceptions {{Texas A&M, Duke, etc.}}] Whoever is playing USC, UCLA, Syracuse, Florida (in basketball), and, now, after the tourney, Davidson.

USC vs. UCLA? Worst matchup ever. Unless its in football. IN which case I root for UCLA. Cuz I hate dynasties.

I also hate Nick Saban. Tool. Unless he starts rocking a fedora. Then… who knows.

Alright then here goes nothinggggg….

On second thought I got really bored of this already,
and can only assume so did you.

I now present my TOP TEN for the coming football season.

10. Texas Tech. Michael Crabtree is actually good so I mean I won’t hate.

Although he is not good enough to cause this team to win more than 7 games. So they may be ranked high now but expect that to drop.

Almost Inevitably. Sorry Beef.

9. Clemson. At one point Rick Barnes coached their basketball team to like a legitimate team. That was like his only successful year. Cuz UT (texas, never Tennessee. If i mention Tennessee ever after this everyone that reads gets 5 bucks) sucks. Uh thats all i know about Clemson. Going with The AP on this one.

8. BYU. They are an upset pick this high. But hey give them the benefit of the doubt. I would say theyre gonna surprise people if i had any idea about anything about them. But hey just to turn some heads, your welcome.

7. West Va. I would have put them in the last spot but I want to put teams I have something to say about. Having said that I just remembered that Adam Jones went there! PACMAN! PACMAN JONES! ADAM PACMAN JONES!

’nuff said.

I have always wanted to write nuff said in something.


6. Flo-Rida. To review this team I will speak in Flo-rida songs. The two i know. wait three. only cuz lil waynes in one.

Their ranking will eventually get “Low, low, low, low**w” but then they will ride to “Elluh-uh-elluh vader” to the top ten. Get it up now.

They also have guns for the snitches, roses for the b*****s. and hop up out t*e whip, papparazzi takin’ pitchers.

What the h***’s a pitcher? Exactly. thanks flo-rida.


5. Missouri. Chase Daniel went to Southlake the perrenial awesome stupid 5A football school. Idiots.

Heisman? Yes. Over beanie williams or whoever that Ohio St. guy is. Also over anyone on USC or UCLA. or Duke. HA DUKE FOOTBALL. Anywho.

4. Nebraska. They play a weak schedule. Also their has to be one other team to boot ohio state from the top ten.

This is that team.

Go huskers.

3. USC. They are so stupid but they win cheap games. Just wait for them against Stanford. Part Duex, and by that i mean the first time since the greatest game ever. wait what? they dont play each other this year? or they do and i just dont care to fact check? OH. nice.

2. OU. I also hate OU. But theyre better than most other teams in the nation. They are probably more like a #5 team though. Hmm.. Too late now!

1. Georgia. Matthew Stafford went to Highland Park. A stupid dumb cheating 4A, should-be 5A school. Who cares? Knowshown Moreno or that RB or whoever pwns. If stafford can hand the dang ball off they will never lose again. WOW one letter off nice. Knowshon. Moreno. I am amazing.

ESPN hire me now.

I am a sweet sportswriter. My resume will be in the mail anyday now. I just have to make up stuff to put on it.


HOORAY for Matt-Staff. Came up with a new nickname. I am so cool. ESPN, hire me!
HOORAY for Matt-Staff. Came up with a new nickname. I am so cool. ESPN, hire me!

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