Why Left-Handers need to stop stealing American Sports

Subheading: AN OPEN LETTER TO BUD SELIG

Nothing against southpaws.

They’re just annoying.

First we have this sweet sport called baseball.

Then they ruin it by making it for left-handers. idiots.

Although they arent the only ones runing baseball [looking at you, redsox nation. idiots]

Some may argue, hey it was like made-up that way and left-handers have an incidental advantage.

NO WAY JOSE.

It was made up that you would run to first base, [which you would now call “3rd base”… still sounds weird to me] anyway, this resets the whole game towards rightys. THINK ABOUT IT.

if “3rd base” was really first, who has the advantage? ME.

honestly, would we not see more ichiros running towards first [“3rd base”] and batting under .300?

then the righty pitchers could pick more runners off. who doesnt love pickoffs? answer: redsox nation. idiots.

They are the most exciting play in baseball. that and balks. [cuz balks remind me of renaldo balkman.]

dont ask questions.

anywho some lefties may hate. they may say if “3rd base” is really first, then right handed batters are 5 feet closer. ill answer your question with an answer: RUN FASTER.

Position-wise, leftys should only be pitching anyway. I think this way because pushing them into one position, moves us further toward the goal of eliminating all leftys from baseball. what?

on the other hand, something that ends up meaning nothing in the real world, left-FOOTED people will eventually rule the world. you decide whether theyre benevolent or awesome/fun/cool/dominating. ME? I would take the latter if i wasnt too busy ruling the world.

So to close:

Left-Handers: good, only if pitching and not causing me to believe conspiracies.

Left-Footers: amazing, get ready world!

redsox nation: idiots.

Love,

fantastiksports

conspiracy theorist, blogger, ruler of the damn world

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One thought on “Why Left-Handers need to stop stealing American Sports

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