Heisman Watch: Fantastik Sports: Swag

Taking a page out of my old playbook, I’m going to reference an ESPN article throughout this post.
http://espn.go.com/college-football/heisman09/index

First Impressions:
Mark Ingram is decent.
Case Keenum’s stats are swaggerific.
Tim Tebow and Colt McCoy have been more off than my light switch. And my light switch is off right now.
CJ Spiller? What has he done? Nothing.
Kellen Moore does not, [...]

Just when I think I’m gone.

ESPN pulls me back with 2 amazing stories.
Manny coppin some roids.
Brett Favre as a Viking.
But then, the rug gets pulled out from under me.
Manny used some noob hCG garbage.
Gosh.
How disappointing.
I’ll riff a little on each.
You’ll read it.
Then you can watch Ron Artest’s post game interview.
Just watch the first 40 seconds.
It is the greatest anecdote ever.
EVER [...]

ESPN is running out of ideas.

I’ll enlarge that image.

So stupid.
What is the point of this?
I mean who cares?
They are fake spraypainting off numbers?
I guess they’re just trying to..
Actually I have no idea what they’re doing.
I am baffled.
Having nothing would be better than this.
This is such a trite attempt to cash in on something no one cares about.
And I know what [...]

I mock the NBA Mock Draft while I eat Mock Apple Pie.

I’m going to take a few picks of the mock draft i get off ESPN’s draft simulator and riff a little.
maybe it will be tasty.
like mock apple pie.
what is the point of that?
why do i keep making that joke?
answers to these questions and andy rooney, tonight on FantastikSports.
that’s a 60 minutes joke.
just so you know.
yeah.
okay.
sure [...]

Utah sues the BCS

Big news out of the mormon state.
is that its official name?
it should be.
get on that please.
anyway.
the University of Utah is planning on suing the BCS for antitrust.

On the ESPN website, the caption for the front-page photo is “Worth Pur-Suing”

good lord.
i hope someone was fired for that.
horrific wordplay.
and yes that is quite hypocritical.
sure this suit may [...]