I don’t think I’m gonna explain the situation. Just read the foot shaped text.
Thanks y’all.
So Rex Ryan’s wife is a foot-loving swinger? Which coach’s wife isn’t these days? 31 of them I believe.
Possibly 30 now that Leslie Frazier is a coach though.
There’s also some video of Rex Ryan saying ‘It’s a personal matter’ over and over again.
It’s a personal matter and I’m not here to comment on that right now.
I’ve always respected Rex Ryan’s wishes in the past.
So on to something I have a strong opinion about:
People caring about the UConn women breaking John Wooden’s streak.
No one should care.
Women’s basketball is not important and no one actually likes it. Except maybe the parents of the players.
And even they don’t ‘like’ it per se. They just attend the games.
Maybe the players like it. But to make 50% of the Sportscenter about the 89th win in a row is absurd. It deserves as much mention as like soccer, futbol, hockey, golf, tennis. IE almost none unless there’s a big fight. And that’s only in hockey.
Did I use IE right? I guess it’s probably i.e. or something like that.
Also the UCLA men’s team would destroy the UConn women.
Women’s basketball is so dominated by one player. The Mens Basketball Game is more team and better defense and offense and. Everything really.
And don’t even give me that ‘the womens game is more fundamentally sound’ because it is not. Not even close.
I’m not categorizing/tagging this post with basketball because it isn’t truly basketball.
I guess. If it was a Christmas song that required a pun about C-notes, son.
The real name of this post is ‘The Reason For The Season.’
Ron Artest did some funny stuff.
He’s a walking meme. Whatever.
Should I waste virtual ink on him (via Kindle)? Absolutely.
He was talking about getting ejected or ejections or something. The context is never important with Artest.
“It happened in the past, it happened in the present, it happened in the future,” Artest said. “Not just for him. All players (get ejected). That happens a lot of times. You see guys get ejected. Rip Hamilton got ejected (recently) in Detroit. Bob Cousy got ejected … The only person who never got ejected was Jesus.”
Artest was asked if he had checked Jesus’ box scores.
“No ejections,” Artest said. “He was 10 for 10s, a lot of 20 for 20s (in shooting). Perfect from the free-throw line. Infinity rebounding stats.”
Hey Ron, what’s your favorite holiday?
“I don’t celebrate many holidays. I have alot of Jewish friends though. So from time to time I’ll celebrate Hanukkah.”
That last quote was fake. Could you even tell though?
Either way, I don’t really like Jay Glazer. Except, well. Go read that old post.
However, I agree with his assessment of this.
Sal-Alosi-Gate can be put to bed. Or the name Trip-Gate can be re-assigned to Tyler-Brayton-Gate.
I used alot of – in the last two sentences.
My therapist says I should be more positive. From now on, I’ll replace – with +
Math Joke Alert!
Coming Clean: I don’t go to a therapist. She comes to me. And comes on to me. Am I right?
I don’t even know what that meant.
This Tyler Brayton thing is bad though. I am all for people on the sidelines getting in the game. But only when they like, ya know, substitute in. Otherwise people will get injured.
He needs a motto:
Tyler Brayton: Not Realizing The NFL Is Always Being Filmed
Lotta : in the last little bit. Would it be better/more confusing if I turned every : into a smiley via 🙂 ?
I mean why else would there be NFL Films. Am I right?
Yes. This time I am.
Brett is like a little kid out there.
A little kid with the body of a 70+year+old man that will never play another down in the NFL and hopefully never contemplate coming back.
Dwight Howard (Magic) 611,561
Shaquille O’Neal (Celtics) 241,782
Joakim Noah (Bulls) 97,163
Andrea Bargnani (Raptors) 53,275
Al Horford (Hawks) 49,098
Andrew Bogut (Bucks) 48,298
Brook Lopez (Nets) 38,103
JaVale McGee (Wizards) 36,227
Roy Hibbert (Pacers) 35,006
Ben Wallace (Pistons) 21,858
Yao Ming (Rockets) 430,984
Andrew Bynum (Lakers) 198,044
Brendan Haywood (Mavericks) 127,375
Marc Gasol (Grizzlies) 120,811
Emeka Okafor (Hornets) 115,647
Nene (Nuggets) 105,747
Chris Kaman (Clippers) 87,536
Marcus Camby (Blazers) 57,046
DeMarcus Cousins (Kings) 37,571
Andris Biedrins (Warriors) 36,655
This is egregious.
I am going to ignore the fact that the arguable MVP up until this point is 7th in Western Conference voting for guards.
(Russell Westbrook)
BUT. Jason Kidd is ahead of him?! HOW!?
No. No. I said I was going to ignore it.
The Center voting in each conference is far more offensive. And not in an ‘offense’ like have-the-ball-and-score way. In a hurtful way.
Clearly the John Q. Public is stupid. That we all know. But they really shouldn’t be. John Q. Public, you should understand. You should vote for who you want to see! You really want to see:
Shaquille O’Neal as the first center off the bench? I don’t.
Bargnani anywhere near the top 10? I do. But anyone who knows the NBA doesn’t.
JaVale McGee having more than 30,000 votes? I do. Dude’s versatile.
Roy Hibbert, who is having a top-5-center-type-a year, not in the top-5-a-type-a-year? I don’t really care about that so much.
Literally everyone in the Top 10 for the West is ridiculous. And here’s why.
Yao Ming is mad injured and by my calculations has not played this year. (Even if he has, my calculations don’t lie. Pick a side to believe, reader.)
Andrew Bynum has played I guess. But not enough. Perpetual injury. He’s like a poor man’s Greg Oden because his injures are cheaper and less-hurt-y than Oden’s. Like he’s thrifty for the injury.
Brendan Haywood is not the best center on his own team. The Eiffel Towers are. Ian Mahmini and Alex Ajinca that is. But uh seriously Tyson Chandler is actually having an All-Star Caliber Year. So give the man some respeto. Is that respect in Spanish? ‘Me no hablo’ – Kanye West.
Marc Gasol is not the best Gasol on two teams. Assuming those two teams are the Lakers and the Grizzlies. If those two teams aren’t those specific two then well uh never mind. Also: Pau Gasol plays Forward. So that’s even more confusing.
Emeka Okafor. I have no idea of the quality of his play. I’m afraid the Hornets have been mad over-performing though. So by the transitive property so is Okafor. Also he went to UConn. I don’t like UConn.
Nene. Who cares? Why would you want to see him in the All-Star Game?
Kaman and Camby are polar opposites. In that Kaman only plays offense and Camby, only defense. So they cancel each other out.
Cousins is the token-rookie on the list. He’s not even that good.
Biedrins is available in my fantasy league. Should I swag that?
I didn’t look up how to spell those two Mavericks centers names. Ian and Alex. That’s how you spell their first names. I don’t know about the last names.
'Who is this baseball glove who is putting his/her arm around me?' -Elton Brand
Okay so most of you probably don’t know who Donald Sterling is. So we can do a little who, what, where, when, why, and how sorta thing.
WHO is Donald Sterling?
Sterling is the owner of the Los Angeles Clippers.
WHAT is Donald Sterling?
A bad person.
When Sterling first bought the Ardmore [irrelevant what that is], he remarked on its odor to Davenport [irrelevant who that is]. “That’s because of all the blacks in this building, they smell, they’re not clean,” he said, according to Davenport’s testimony. “And it’s because of all of the Mexicans that just sit around and smoke and drink all day.” He added: “So we have to get them out of here.”
That’s a quote from an ESPN article from 2009.
What is wrong with this dude?
WHERE is Donald Sterling?
Probably Los Angeles. I don’t really understand the question.
WHEN is Donald Sterling?
When is he what? When is he going to sell the Clippers? When is he going to die? I mean I don’t know. Who is asking these questions.
WHY is Donald Sterling?
Why is he what? Why is he heckling Baron Davis? Why is he the way that he is? I don’t know. Am I trying to set myself up for jokes or what? Because if I am, I’m doing a horrible job.
HOW is Donald Sterling?
Probably pretty good. Dude owns a basketball team. Wait, money doesn’t buy happiness. So he probably hasn’t bought any happiness recently.
Two things that I think while I’m watching Sportscenter:
Brittney Griner annoys me alot. She thinks she’s all that. She is all that. But what on earth do you do with women’s basketball? The ‘next level’ is the WNBA. Who cares about the WNBA? Like 100 people maybe. And I mean that in the most sexist way possible.
Some dude just called Maurice Jones-Drew ‘Mo Jones-Drew.’ I mean it is technically a nickname. But MJD is way more concise and less confusing. Mo-Jo is okay. I like Mo-Jo.
Also. I hate like every commercial ever. None of them are funny. I especially hate this one Hyundai one with like two hipsters singing Christmas carols.
Yes, I know that was 3 things but the Hyundai commercial snuck up on me. Is this commercial more annoying than those rotoscoped commercials by Charles Schwab? Absolutely.
Back to Donald Sterling. He is not a good person.
However I completely approve of him heckling Baron Davis. Courtside. Nightly.
I endorse it even.
Donald Sterling is like a much older, much tanner Mark Cuban. Yep.
Hard-hitting lede. (Lede is like an intro, in blogspeak or well, anything-speak.) But that was probably my best lede ever. I mean it accurately sums up all the content of this post in 6 words and two periods.
The Heisman is announced tomorrow I believe. Spoiler alert: Cam Newton is going to get it.
Sure, some sportswriters are using their votes as signs of disapproval. Protest.
Of what do you disapprove? The NCAA has deemed him eligible for the entire year. What more do you need?
Wait, I know. You want the potential POTENTIAL ‘I-told-ya-so’ if Newton is found to have cheated. Because no one would protest in a vote that means very little to anyone. So you crazy protesters just want to MAYBE be able to say I told you so. And no one even likes that guy. So don’t do it. Vote for Cam Newton.
Kid dropped mad crazy numbers all over our collective dome and then some. How anyone stopped the Auburn offense from scoring every time is beyond me. Dropped balls? I mean honestly how anyone can bring down Cam is beyond me.
Yes, we are on a first-name basis.
Heck I say give the Bednarik Award (Defensive Player of the Year) to the Auburn receiving corps because they stopped the best player in the country very well. Hiyo.
I don’t know. Dude’s a monster.
But that’s not why I came here to say stuff to you. I came to react to awards given out last night.
I take issue with 3 Awards given out last night/previously.
The Home Depot Award (Coach of the Year) – Gene Chizik, Auburn
The Chuck Bednarik/Jim Thorpe Award(s) – Patrick Peterson, LSU
The Lou Groza Award – Dan Bailey, Oklahoma State
1. First off, in what I will now deem the Mike Brown corollary, Chizik absolutely did not deserve this award. That is ridiculous. I equate this to Mike Brown winning the Coach of the Year award in the NBA which he absolutely did not deserve. This was before everyone figured out the Cavs all-too-nothing offense.
‘Hey guys let’s just let LeBron dribble for 20 seconds and hope we score.’ -Mike Brown. That is a direct quote. Quote me on it.
It didn’t work. It worked for like half a season in 2007. How he won it in 2009 is beyond me.
Should have gone to Chip Kelly. Because he actually engineered a good offense. I mean it takes great athletes which he has but read the NY Times piece on him if you want analysis. Because you ain’t gonna find it here.
Also: where does the name Chip come from? Always wanted to know but I was too afraid to ask. Don’t know why I was afraid. Guess that’s why I have a blog. Hm.
2. The fact that Patrick Peterson won any awards is offensive to me.
Prince Amukamara was the best defensive back in the country. No questions asked. Sure Peterson had 7 picks. But that’s because people were still throwing to his side of the field.
Amukamara made people throw away from him. That is real talent.
PETERSON WON A DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR AWARD. I am upset about this fact.
All caps should communicate that.
3. The kicker thing I don’t care about. I just want to address the way in which Martin Gramatica announced the name. Two of the finalists were named a derivative of Daniel. (Dan and Danny).
He said Dan and then waited for what felt like 5 seconds. Then Bailey.
Frankly I would be in favor of this for the Heisman or an award that people sorta care about. The Oscars? Yes please.
‘Best Picture is… Up. In the Air. Eff off PIXAR!!!!!!!’
That would be funny. Except I liked Up alot.
Gramatica took a lame award and made it about him instead of the kids.
'Enjoy that coat, Ndamukong. You won't be able to afford another one with this stiff fine that's been imposed.' -Roger Bro-odell.
Ndamukong Suh got fined for what the NFL saw as a dirty hit. Literally every other person on the face of the planet disagrees. Including me.
I would embed the video except it’s the NFL like official video which requires an ad and all sorts of nonsense. So take my word that it was not dirty.
The refs claimed it was a forearm to the head of Jay Cutler as he was running, past the line of scrimmage.
It was neither a forearm nor to the head.
It was a very, very firm two-handed shove to the ground. Which was completely legal. I hate this so much that he got fined.
Does the NFL know its own rules? I guess Roger Goodell plays by his own rules. Which should in turn be the official rules of the NFL. Which makes this infinitely more confusing.
Why did Roger bring a ruler to class? Because he doesn’t understand the rules and fines players unecessarily.
The only thing that can make my day better is this.
‘That’s what happens when you hot-dog’ -Announcer-bro.
Yes, I used a long title to disguise a short, lazy post yesterday. But whatever. You’re smarter than that so it won’t happen again.
'Hey kid. I like the cut of your jib.' -Peyton Manning
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
Everyone is freaking out about Peyton Manning. And rightly so. He is throwing more pick than usual. I wish I could say it was his WRs and it just might be.
He has Reggie Wayne. Who is very good. (Last game: 14 catches on 20 targets for 200 yards and 1 TD). But I just don’t think Pierre Garcon is a good enough #2. Also I believe garcon means waiter in French. And when’s the last time you can remember a French guy being good at football?
Jethro Franklin
However the run game does not exist for the Colts. Why am I not suprised. The Colts logo is a horseshoe. That means 2 things.
They should run like horses.
They are superstitious.
I don’t like the sound of either of those things. Everyone knows the Colts running backs have notoriously had trouble dealing with the pressure of expectations. And don’t even get me started about the RBs and superstitions.
“I don’t deal with the dark arts. And you can quote me on that.” -Joseph Addai.
Just saw a Peyton Manning Sony commercial. That’s probably the real problem. THEY ARE NOT FUNNY. Not like this blog which is a laugh every 1.1 minutes.
'Catch 'n' Release, y'all' -Tom Izzo
MICHIGAN STATE
What is wrong with the Spartans? They lost and they are not very good.
They are currently in second-to-last in the Big Ten. Not good.
Just not good.
'Check out this cellphone belt-holder I just got, y'all.' - Chris Paul
REACTIONS TO NBA AWARDS WATCH
Does Dwight Howard deserve MVP? Does Dirk deserve it? No. And no. I have come out in support of Russell Westbrook for MVP mostly because no one else truly deserves it.
I also hate the Magic. And Dirk has like mad people helping him. Tyson Chandler is throwing up mad defense.
Chris Paul? Love him. But not for MVP. The Hornets have dropped like 8 out their last 9 or something like that. (Fact Check: I still didn’t look). The Hornets are not good. They are the Wizards of last year. And I have the facts to back that up.
Cliff_Lee_on_Subway.jpg
MLB HOT STOVE
Prediction time.
Cliff Lee to the Rangers for 6 years, 140 million.
Paul Konerko to the White Sox for 3 years, 37.5 million.
Carlos Pena to the Cubs 1 year, 10 million.
Derek Jeter to the Yankees 3 years, 51 million.
Jayson Werth to the Nationals for 7 years, 126 million.
UPDATE: I got 5 out of 6 right! I could go a perfect 6 for 6 pending Cliff Lee.
I know you read this blog, Cliff. Don’t mess with me here. Even if the Rangers offered you less and you were planning on accepting, negotiate them up. I know you have that move in your arsenal. I would be willing to appear on your behalf if the negotiations get a bit hairy. I can deal with hair.
Lastly. The Nuggets lost to the Bobcats. That is funny.
Fantastik Sports 