Twitter is a source of unending pleasure. Seriously.

Omri Casspi and Donte Green and that ugly girl. Twilight. FTW.

Tom Ziller: Did I photoshop Omri Casspi and @DonteGreene into a New Moon poster? I think I did — http://bit.ly/5mHj8D
Donte Greene: @teamziller thats hot. do yall have any more?

Who is Tom Ziller?

Some NBA-affiliated blogger. Who really cares.

It is images like that one that make me love my job. And by ‘my job’ I mean everything.

That is so LOLZ. That’s it. That is literally the only way to describe this image.

Things that make me laugh must make no sense (check) and make me question why the images were made (triple check).

So I lol’d. Pretty hard.

AND

Donte Green approves? So much better.

What a weird Twitter thing.

This is a picture of someone taking a picture of Donte Green. Why? This is just stupid.

Item The Next:

Marcus Williams: #dealBREAKER if u don’t have WET WIPES in the bathroom! I can’t say this enuff!

Marcus Williams. #5 on the Memphis Grizzlies.

Apparently he is good enough to demand any girl he might date to have wet wipes in her bathroom.

Last I checked, every bathroom had a sink.

I would say sinks clean hands better than wet wipes.

Unless… is he talking what I think he’s talking about?

WHY DO YOU WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT.

AND WHY IS IT A #DEALBREAKER!?@

P.S. Marcus Williams averages 5 points, 3 assists, 1 rebound and 1 turnover a game. What a beast.

P.P.S. I could take him in a game of 21; he’d only have to spot me about 7 points or so.

P.P.P.S. You're Invited!

The BCS has a Twitter.

http://twitter.com/INSIDEtheBCS

Why?

Why does an inanimate system need a Twitter?

Has artificial intelligence become that advanced without ANYONE knowing?

Maybe like a computer can update a Twitter with like factual like mathematical information.

But can a computer system really like find a quote, verify it’s relevance and then Tweet it?

Answer: NO. One million times no. And maybe two times yes.

What is a one million no’s times two yes’s?

1,000,000 NO x 2 YES = 2,000,000 YNEOS

Carry the Y and you get 2,000,000 NO.

Now that we got the tedious math joke out of the way, we can go back to the facts.

It currently has 4 Tweets. I’m going to post all of them:

1. Welcome to the official BCS Twitter page! Follow us for updates about what’s going on Inside the BCS and links to articles and commentary.
2. Is a college football playoff fair? http://www1.realclearsports…
3. “(The BCS) has been great for college football. It’s not perfect, but it has been great for college football.”-FL coach Urban Meyer 10/7/08
4. BCS Presidential Group expands from 8 to 12 http://www.bcsfootball.org/…

Where does a computer get those links?!

How can it do that?

There’s only one person to blame for this.

Jimmy Kimmel.

It must be a prank for his hilarious show. Or whatever he does. He's a comedian. I think.

The man knows funny.

Also, their Twitter bio is mega lolz:

Bio (College football) is the only sport where every single game truly matters, where you can’t afford to take your foot off the pedal for even one week.

Cliche, cliche, cliche.

Yet, I am un-surprised by this nonsense.

Yes, ‘un-surprised’

The BCS 722 Harvester 8HP Honda Rototiller

Now we here at the ol’ FantastikSports headquarters are okay with the BCS.

Oh, and by ‘we’ I mean me. There’s only one of us.

So is there really even us? No.

Anyway.

For real though. The BCS does not suck.

The only people that truly hate it and want a playoff, just want to see the best teams square off and play.

And then one team will rise to the top and prove themselves the overall champion.

I mean, a playoff would only solve everything.

WHAT? Did I just switch my views on the BCS?! Woah. It’s almost like, I used sarcasm earlier!?

Weird.

The BCS Buster that KILLED OU. ON A TRICK PLAY.

But seriously. A playoff would be so tight.

I would love it.

Sure some people make the argument that “If it’s an 8 team playoff, then the 9th team will feel left out!”

That is not what the playoff is trying to solve.

It is trying to solve the bureaucratized and irreconcilable and un-publicize-able BCS.

That was grandiloquent. Pwn’d. LOL.

I will leave you with this quote:

“Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill. I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business.”

Henry David Thoreau.

How esoteric yet appropriate for this post.

Boise State wrecked OU.

A Fake Interview with Jimmie Johnson

FS!: Howdy Jimmie. How are things? Darn tootin’?

JJ: Why are you talking like that?

FS!: All racecar drivers are hicks and I figured if I mocked you it would make you feel more welcome.

JJ: Dad-gum son, you done good!

FS!: Anyway, how are you? The season’s winding down, your thoughts.

JJ: Well I’m going to win the Sprint Cup, so I am doing pretty good. Plus my wife is hot.

FS!: Wow. How misogynistic. Try not to be so sexist. Stupid hick.

JJ: Sorry. I guess loving my wife is sexist now.

FS!: Yeah. Shut up about your wife. We don’t want to hear about her and her stupid nice body.

JJ: I forgot this was family blog. I’ll tone down the PG material, like calling a woman attractive.

FS!: Much appreciated.

Jimmie Johnson's wife is hot.

JJ: So.

FS!: So I’m going to ask you what everyone in my audience is thinking: why am I interviewing you?

JJ: My agent is a genius. I pinched myself earlier. This is like a dream come true.

FS!: But I hate racecar driving. And NASCAR. So why am I even sitting here?

JJ: I don’t really know. On another note though, I can’t believe the size of your office building. And that receptionist? She was hot.

FS!: Watch your damn language.

JJ: Oh I get why that last thing was funny. Because you told me to not say anything semi-explicit by using an explicit word.

FS!: Finally. Someone who gets me.

JJ: I’m glad you’ve come to accept me.

FS!: No, I still hate you and everything you stand for. Why is car driving even a sport?

JJ: (shrugs shoulders) I don’t know.

FS!: I’ll tell you why it isn’t. Because it isn’t hard! Anyone can drive a car! At 200 miles an hour! Around a small track with 39 other people! In a race setting!

JJ: Wow. I’ve seen the light. You are so right. That takes no skill. If that’s true, then why do I have so much money?

FS!: Who knows? I’ll tell you who: Hicks.

JJ: Yeah. Those stupid hicks. Except they don’t even like me. I’m too clean cut.

FS!: Too clean cut for hicks? Now I’ve heard it all.

JJ: I know! I assumed they could respect someone who shaved and was pretty fit. But apparently no dice.

FS!: Maybe you should go back to saying things like “dagnabbit” and “rassle.”

JJ: Can you use “rassle” in a normal sentence?

FS!: I’m going to go rassle me some varmints!

JJ: Good call.

FS!: Thanks.

JJ: Anyway. Back to me being clean cut. I had scruff for, like, a whole day. Those people just can’t be pleased.

FS!: Except by NASCAR.

Pictured: Jimmie Johnson, scruff. Not pictured: The respect of hicks.

JJ: How ironic.

FS!: This is weird. It’s like I’m interviewing myself.

JJ: That’s what I was going to say!

FS!: Twins.

JJ: Well you do have rugged good looks, much like myself.

FS!: Damn skippy.

JJ: Well, I do declare, we should have a hoedown!

FS!: Will there be a fiddle player?

JJ: But of course! And we will do western-y things!

FS!: Stop using Exclamation points.

JJ: Sorry!

FS!: NASCAR sucks.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry. Short one today. Little bored with the topic.

It’ll be better tomorrow.

The Warriors want Steph Curry at the helm; best. decision. ever.

New reports.

Even after dealing Steph Jackson (yes, I am calling him Steph Jackson) to the Bobcats, the Warriors are trying to deal Monta Ellis:

Multiple NBA sources have confirmed that Monta Ellis’ status with the Warriors could be determined Thursday, when his agent is scheduled to meet with team management in Oakland. Several sources indicate that Ellis’ agent, Jeff Fried, already has discussed the possibility of the Warrriors giving Fried and Ellis permission to talk to other teams to quicken the pace of trade talks. [...]

Multiple sources say that, apparently at Don Nelson’s urging, the Warriors have been calling teams and offering to trade Ellis in recent days … it seems inevitable that Ellis will be traded, presuming that Nelson remains in power, and every source I’ve talked to believes that Nelson will remain in power.

What are they trying to prove?

Unlike most questions on this awesome hilarious blog, this one will be answered.

The Warriors are seeking to get Steph Curry more PT and to run the team ASAP.

Genius.

Lurking in the shadows; Curry awaits his chance to take over the Warriors.

Steph Curry is far more like Pistol Pete than Ricky Rubio.

The Warriors are like the Thunder on crack; the Warriors have a distinct edge, a toughness the chic Thunder do not have.

Monta Ellis is w3t. No question. He’s is a young, lanky Tony Parker, only faster, if that’s possible.

He also wrecked the Mavericks in 07 or 06. I can’t remember which year that was. Wait, 06 is when Miami beat the Mavs in the Finals.

Anyway.

That 8-seed Warriors over 1-seed Mavs featured a swaggerific Warrior team playing Nellie-ball hardcore:

Baron Davis (B. Diddy) swaggin with the beard.

Monta running faster than any Maverick ever (including Brad Davis)

Matt Barnes being Birdman before Birdman was Birdman.

No, not that Birdman. I meant Chris Anderson.

Oh, and Stephen Jackson muggin the city of Dallas like hard.

Without that beastmode nucleus, Monta Ellis is all but worthless.

He is not a featured guard.

Not even his closest comparison, Tony Parker, is alone; Parker has T. Diddy and Manu (and Michael Finley)

Nellie-ball is a team game, not a 2 man game. (The second man is Anthony Randolph in this case)

I am all for a trade of Monta.

But I’m also a fan of young, untested players and am by no means a Warrior fan.

Although I would say a Steph Curry-Anthony Randolph connection would be dope.

That’s got potential to be a more raw Kevin Durant-Russell Westbrook combo. Except that combo is already really raw.

I love the Thunder.

Anthony Randolph would look sweet in a Thunder jersey. No, I mean just wearing it. I'm not implying he would play for them.

I thought I told Ya. I’m a star.

That video serves no purpose other than to describe the title of this post.

I was trying to think of a song where they said “I told you so.”

I think Jeff Bagwell said it once. I don’t know.

Jeff Bagwell

The real question of this post:

Am I above quoting myself?

Answer:

Usually. Except when I’m right. So I have to take advantage of the opportunity right?

Dallas needs to win in the playoffs to win me over.

And beat the Giants. And go at least 10-6 if not 11-5.

Then we can talk.

Don’t even get me started on Roy Williams.

Of course I’m right.

Everyone is sipping Cowboy Kewl-Aid.

And I’m all like “Really?”

And they’re all like “Yeah”

Anyway.

Who doesn't love Marty B? 'HollyMartyBWood'

But seriously.

That game was trash for everyone involved.

The Cowboys looked all but nonexistent up until… well never.

The final TD was a mere formality, rather than a legitimate offense attack.

They looked lethargic, lazy and disinterested.

It was demoralizing.

I can pinpoint a grand total of 3 moments that defined this game for the Cowboys.

1. Felix Jones (doesn’t) recover a fumble. Sure the NFL is ‘correct’ that they can’t review the play? WHY THE HELL NOT?! The Pack got the ball on the 2 yard line. And scored. Big surprise.
2. Tony Romo throws a pick on the goal line. 6 minutes or so to go, 1st and goal on the 1 yard line. Jason Garrett draws up a curl route, Romo makes a bad throw, scoring chance vanishes. Obviously Jason Garrett has never played Madden. Never run curls, they just get picked. JOKING ASIDE. Bring in 9 linemen, Marion Barber and Tony Romo. Hand the ball to Marion. Score a damn touchdown.
3. Marc Colombo goes down with an injury. This is a little more subtle than the previous 2. Colombo is really the firestarter of the offensive line. Without him, who will inspire the troops? Flozell Adams? No. Flozell, go be worthless somewhere else. Also that injury left Dallas with Doug Free in Marc’s place. Free’s first play? Gets beat on the outside and almost sack/fumble.

Doug Free (L) can't even lift that thing alone. He needs James Marten (R) to help him. What a n00b, right guys?

The Packers should be less than satisfied with their performance as well.

Aaron Rodgers looked shaky. The only reason we aren’t talking about him having a horrible game is because of Donald Driver’s swag.

I think they didn’t give the rock to Ryan Grant near enough. And that is not just because he is on my fantasy team.

(It really isn’t. That guy looked solid.)

Shut up about the Cowboys already.

Donald Driver Swag.

PS They are still in 1st in the NFC East. Thanks San Diego.

PPS They have a light schedule coming up. Washington and Oakland on Thanksgiving. Although Washington looked good against Denver. And by ‘looked good’ I mean ‘I assume they looked decent, even though I watched a mere 25 seconds of highlights from that game.’ Something about a fake FG?

PPPS Seriously, Ryan Grant.

PPPPS Green Bay is still wayyy behind Minnesota. How ironic.

PPPPPS That wasn’t really ironic.

What an ugly man. That facial hair has gotta go. PLZ! OMG! LOL!

Note to LeBron James: Really? AND Note to Nate Burleson: Nice call.

LeBron's Shoes. Commemorating the Yankees and their 27th World Championship.

LeBron says he doesn’t want to talk about free agency 2010.

Would he rather us talk about his New York-centricness?

First off these are a fashion monstrosity.

The baseball toes or whatever they’re called are awful. The PinStripedBaseball Motif is awful.

You’re playing basketball. You know that right? NO CROSS-SPORT-REFERENCING SHOES. That’s just confusing.

Second off, the Yankees are stupid and lame.

Third off, LeBron wants to go to New York. He may as well have painted his face saying “I Want To Go To New York In 2010 And Sign A Max Deal”

But then again, his face isn’t that big.

Factoid: The Yankees won 10 of their 27 World Series championships when baseball was still segregated.

Newsflash: LeBron James is black.

Cue: The Ironic Music.

Jackie Robinson, first black player in the MLB, stealing home. Its almost as if home was something to do with integrating baseball.

On a more important note, we have a FANTASY ALERT.

Pick up Nate Burleson.

Nate Burleson, Seattle Seahawks WR, has said the following:

“Listen, I don’t want to give anybody any bulletin board material, but I do believe it was Herman Edwards [who said] we play to win the game. Period,” Burleson said, via SeattlePI.com. “So, we’re going on the road to play a football game. We’re gonna win.

“I don’t care what you say. People can print it in the paper, they can send it to the teams we’re playing. But they know just like we know, we’re going to win the game.”

Seattle, owners of a 3-5 record this year, also owners of a 27-3 beatdown at the hands of the Arizona Cardinals, a game where Matt Hasselbeck passed for a whopping 112 yards and Orange Julius Jones rushed for 5, count em on one hand, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 yards.

I don’t think that last sentence had a verb.

Oh well.

What was this picture's original purpose? Advertising luggage?

Seattle plays those same Cardinals. On the road.

Those same Cardinals who thoroughly drilled the Chicago Bears, 41-21, last week.

Sure, Nate, you have crazy, wild stats. (3 TDs in a half season? Somebody get him to pee in a cup!)

But even Pacman Jones is shaking his head at you. (Because he knows you shoulda kept your mouth shut. Not cuz you’re lighting up opposing secondaries. Because you aren’t doing the latter.)

What a sweet blazer.

Although you average 0.375 TDs a game, you should be careful what you say.

Arizona’s finna run train on the Seahawks.

This isn’t going to be pretty.

Speaking of which.

His face is bigger than I thought. Maybe it would fit.

 

 

Heisman Watch: Fantastik Sports: Swag

Taking a page out of my old playbook, I’m going to reference an ESPN article throughout this post.

http://espn.go.com/college-football/heisman09/index

First Impressions:

Mark Ingram is decent.

Case Keenum’s stats are swaggerific.

Tim Tebow and Colt McCoy have been more off than my light switch. And my light switch is off right now.

CJ Spiller? What has he done? Nothing.

Kellen Moore does not, NOT deserve 2 first place votes. EVER. EVER.EVERVEVRVERVERVERVERVERVER.

Toby Gerhart has swag and deserves at least 15 first place votes.

Toby Gerhart is number 7. Do you know why? Because he averages 7 touchdowns a game. And 7 is a lucky number. That was stupid. Sorry.

Jacquizz Rodgers needs less z’s in his name. Yes, two z’s is too many z’s. Two too many. Wordplay.

Hey, is Jordan Shipley roomates with Colt McCoy? What a news story. I hope ESPN/everyone doesn’t talk about it non-stop. That’d be annoying and unnecessary. ITS NOT EVEN A REALLY GOOD STORY. Congrats, they live together. Stop the presses. I hear Tim Tebow does missionary work. (That’s a joke because everyone already knows that too.)

Jimmy Clausen. Really. No joke. Jimmy Clausen is on a Heisman list. I feel like I’m on Candid Camera. Not familiar with that show? It’s a less funny version of Punk’d. And Punk’d is very funny. So Candid Camera is pretty funny.

Andy Dalton is the most underrated player by default. Only because TCU isn’t given the time of day in a clock factory. Gosh, I’m pretty heavy on analogies today. Or are they allusions? Similies?

Ryan Matthews is probably a nice young man. I doubt he’s good enough to be on a Heisman list though. Prove me wrong, Ryan Matthews.

That's the wrong Ryan Matthews.

Analysis:

Beano Cook.

How can someone named after “a natural enzyme supplement that can help you prevent gas, bloating, and other digestive problems after eating certain foods” be on a panel of college football experts?

Am I judging a book by its cover? That depends. Is his name his cover? This analogy is confusing. I’m confused.

I’m done with my analysis section. I guess by Analysis I mean talking about Beano Cook.

This poster was made just because Beano's name shares the last two letters of Juno's name. They didn't even change the quote or the little cliche tagline thing. I'm even MORE confused. Is Beano Cook pregnant?

FS! Heisman Watch:

1. Case Keenum. I think Houston has diddly squat without Keenum passing for 500+ yards a game. I also love seeing 536 yard, 5 TD games and 559 yard, 5 TD games scroll across the ESPN Bottom Line.

2. Toby Gerhart. Watch a Stanford game. If you can’t, just trust me. You trust me, don’t you?

3. Andy Dalton. TCU is just beastmode. Until they lose Dalton will occupy the 3 spot in my rankings. Just to remind you. TCU. TCU. TCU.

4. Mark Ingram. The Super Sophmore is pretty good. I hate it when announcers say that he’s better ‘after first contact.’ It may be true, but SHUT UP.

5. CJ Spiller. I feel like he’s fast. Is he fast?

CJ Spiller looks fast. Except Clemson lost to Nebraska last year in the Gator Bowl. CJ Spiller couldn't outrun the Huskers. Except he probably could. In a foot race, that is.

PS New features on the Sidebar. Brandon Jenning Stat Dominance and Heisman Watch. Updated whenever it feels right.

The Cowboys prove they are decent. Allen Iverson proves nothing.

The Cowboys beat the Eagles.

Yeah.

Sure, everyone hates the Eagles but I mean, did the Cowboys really look THAT good?

Sure, they took the NFC East lead, for now, but I mean, what’s with the Giants?

The Dallas media is just so anxious to jump on the Cowboy Bandwagon.

Its embarrassing.

I mean a 4 game win streak is pretty dirty. But its against the Chiefs, the Falcons, the Seahawks and the Eagles it becomes less impressive.

The Falcons are good. Matt Ryan aka Matty Ice is becoming less dominant and more pick-prone. But I guess that’s the sophomore slump? They also have a fairly strong chance at a wild card. I guess.

The Eagles are good. I mean McNabb got picked about 5 times by my count (ESPN says 2 but I disagree) but DeSean Jackson will not be shut down every week like that. Oh and did I even mention Brian Westbrook? No, I didn’t.

DeSean Jackson. What was this photo's original use?

The Chief and the Seahawks are awful. End of story. Period. Let’s be realz.

Dallas needs to win in the playoffs to win me over.

And beat the Giants. And go at least 10-6 if not 11-5.

Then we can talk.

Don’t even get me started on Roy Williams.

Roy Williams. Hook'Em Lions!

Allen Iverson, to jump to my real favorite sport, is irrelevant.

By even typing this sentence I am giving him too much attention.

He is like the Brett Favre of the NBA.

Except Brett Favre is officially in beastmode and had an illustrious career in the Bay.

AI on the other hand played for like the 76ers and the Nuggets and the Pistons and now the Grizz, making less of an impact as he went on.

Is is embarrassing? Yes. He needs to know when to hang it up.

He needs to hang it up.

Allen Iverson. Is that other guy in the background shirtless as well? WHERE IS THIS PLACE?!

If he could he should go back and not be such a firebrand and go back to his 76ers days. Then maybe make the playoffs 3 more seasons out of 6 or so then leave basketball.

He has left a strong, deeply embedded mark on the game of pro basketball.

He has faded out, not exploded into nothingness.

The Memphis owner, Michael Heisley, claims “if [Iverson] was going to retire, he’d tell me first.”

Are we talking about the same Iverson?

Let’s be realistic. While he might not do something crazy physically, like try to fight someone during a game (a la Ron-Ron) he is still an emotional, mental headcase.

He can and will retire without any indication of anything AND not even blink.

Such a large decision with a massive impact on the Grizzlies, and Iverson would not bat an eyelash.

If you consider Iverson’s past behavior, the future becomes less cloudy.

Memphis should have seen this coming.

Allen Iverson. He did change the game. Props for that. But really. What's his mouth doing? Is he saying something? Woo?

(Editor’s Note: There aren’t very many jokes in the actual text of the post. So I tried to make all the captions moderately amusing. Thank you.)

Brandon Jennings: What Starbury Could Have Been. Only, with better hair.

I have a pretty torrid love affair with BJennings.

I mean, I have always been in love with him and his game.

Ever since I saw the hair.

That's a carry. Just so you know.

It wasn’t until ‘Gunnin’ For That #1 Spot’ that I realize what superb, unadulterated swag he really had.

Swag is a word that is intentionally ambiguous.

But when you see BJ, you know its definition.

Because of this, you can clearly see the reason he went to Europe.

It takes a certain cockiness to dismiss college, the only way for a US-born player to enter the League.

Italy? Really? The only two people who play in Italy are Kobe’s dad and Josh Childress.

And no one knows who Childress is.

AND Josh Childress plays in Greece.

Josh Childress

But that’s not the point.

BJ didn’t get any PT in Italy. He also didn’t play like a mug. Like a madman. Or particularly well.

But he did it.

And the whole world was buzzin cuz of it, cousin.

Jump ahead like however long he was in Europe.

Draft Day? This was BJ in a nutshell.

Coming in late, 2 picks after himself. Swaggin in a purple tie. Creepin up on David. How much more BJ can you get?

Brandon Jennings in the flesh.

Fast forward to a week into the NBA season.

BJ is shooting a blazing 48% from the field, featuring 50% from3. He averages 22 points on a subpar Bucks team. ROY much? I think so.

He leads the Bucks in the following:

Age (Youngest), Games Started, Minutes, Minutes Per Game, FG, FG Per Game, FGA, FGA Per Game, FG% (minimum 3 FG attempted), 3P, 3P Per Game, 3PA, 3PA Per Game, 3P%, Assists, Assists Per Game, Steals, Steals Per Game, Turnovers, Turnovers Per Game.

I’ll keep a running tally of how he continues to dominate my mind as well as the Bucks backcourt.

More importantly:

Ersan Ilyasova. Bucks Forward or Guard or Center I don’t really care.

Averages. 8.2 fouls. Per 36 Minutes.

How can you average more fouls than it takes to foul out of a game, in merely 3 quarters.

Such is basketball-reference.com.

If only he had kept the 'do. Then I would respect him.

 

Urban Meyer is ridiculous. And I mean that.

Brandon Spikes tried to stab someone in the eye.

Oh my gosh WHY.

He puts his hand, up to his wrist, inside that guy’s facemask.

I get the incidental grabbing of facemasks. I get roughing the passer. That can be fun since quarterbacks are so whiny and stuff. (Especially Brady)

But this is threatening this guy beyond just football.

Now I would say eyes rank verrrrryyy high on my list of places to protect, after heart and brain.

Eyes are the most important facial feature. Besides facial hair of course.

Eyes are so expressive. They are also very pretty.

OH YEAH AND THEY HELP YOU SEE AND LIVE.

Brandon Spikes deserves to be suspended for more than just a half.

Urban Meyer needs to seriously like watch that video.

That’s like assault. No joke.

Straight up assault.

Quarterbacks can’t claim assault because they know part of football is getting hit.

But this guy is not running headfirst into Spikes’ hand, which would be lolz, but he isn’t.

He is falling towards the ground and Spikes decides to jam his hand where the sun don’t shine.

And by that I mean the peepers.

I don’t know what I am madder about: Brandon Spikes hand job or Urban Meyer’s lack of any spine.

Urban Meyer is like a football genius. But I mean really?

Bro?

P.S.

I’m back.

And I have LOTS of stuff to be mad about.